I'm Glad It's You

I unexpectedly met him one day, a meeting that changed my life forever. His face is etched in my mind for as long as I live.

He has such a wonderful smile. No, he didn’t smile at me. How I wish he did. I guess he doesn’t even know I existed. Or so I thought. After all I was just like a shadow; someone who blends in the crowd unnoticed… simple and ordinary.

We went to the same school but his world is entirely different from mine. And yet seeing him everyday is all I wanted. One glance is enough. That’s all I’ve been asking.

His name is Iwase Kei, the heir of the richest family in the country. I’ve been in love with Kei for a long time now and until this moment I’m still wondering why of all people does it have to be him.

Before I noticed it my life suddenly changed right before my eyes. I guess it was some sheer luck that our worlds suddenly met. And I’m not sure if I should be thankful or not. No, I guess I am thankful. It was painful at times and it still hurts me just thinking about it. But I think if we hadn’t met I won’t feel happiness as well.

“Ii yo.” Those were the first words he said to me. “H-hontou ni gomen.” I said stuttering and sounding so stupid. He smiled and I felt more embarrassed.

I saw him that morning lying on the grass in a secluded part of the school with his eyes closed and earphones on his ear. He might have sensed me looking at him because he opened his eyes and I think I saw anger in them for a moment.

“Gomenasai.” I’m not sure why I apologized. I just have the feeling that I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Gomen. I didn’t know someone’s here.”

He sighed. “Ii yo.”

“H-hontou ni gomen.”

“Ii kara. It’s time for me to go anyway. Jaa~ne.” Then he left and never came again after that.

I didn’t know why he was in that kind of place all alone. I guess there are a lot of things that I didn’t know about him even now. The Kei I saw that morning was entirely different from the Kei I thought I knew.

Kei is always been surrounded by people. Everyone likes him and even the teachers look up to him not just because of his family’s influence but also because he’s really smart and knows almost everything. That morning was the first time I saw him alone.

The next days went back to normal. We lived our own different worlds once again. Once in a while my feet bring me to the same place where I met him before. I guess that’s the only place where I could get close to him. But to my disappointment he never comes.

But one day, I went to the same place again and to my surprise I heard someone said, “You came again.” When I look up I saw Kei sitting on the top of the tree.

“Why do you always come here everyday?” It seems like he’s in an unusually good mood that day. He jumped from the tree and the sight made me stop for a second.

“Have you been there all along?” I asked still feeling awkward.

“Yep. Everyday. I see you eat lunch here everyday with that sad look on your face.” I blushed. “Uso!” I said feeling embarrassed. “Uso janai,” he said laughing a little.

Sad look? Do I really? I wondered. Oh well, I guess I do. Maybe I have always been disappointed every time I wanted to see him and couldn’t.

He lied down on the grass just like before. “Don’t you wanna sit?” he asked. That’s when I realized I’ve been standing there like an idiot for quite a long time. I sat in a spot a bit far from him.

“Ne~”

“Huh?” I said startled. It was surprising that he’s actually taking to me. I was expecting he would be mad. After all I’m disrupting his privacy.

“Namae wa?” he asked.

Still feeling quite uneasy I said…“Koyama Aki.”

“Aki…is that the kanji for autumn?”

I nodded.

“You know, autumn has always been my favorite season.” He stood back up and to my surprise he sat beside me.

“Jaa, can I call you Aki-chan?” I nodded, a little bit discomfited. If this is some kind of a dream then I don’t wanna wake up anymore. I never thought my name could sound that sweet. Sitting beside Kei and talking like we were long time friends doesn’t seem so real.

“Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu, Aki-chan.” He said. “Yoroshiku.” I replied.

We became closer after that. I met a different side of Kei, very different from the usual famous Kei. I wondered if he was purposely trying to hide his true self from everyone.

It was Valentines Day when I decided to make chocolates and give it to Kei. I was kind of nervous since I don’t know where to get the courage I needed. They say Valentines Day is the perfect day for girls to confess their feelings to the guy they like. I’m not expecting Kei would feel the same way that I do. But somehow I’m scared that Kei won’t accept even just the chocolates. I’m scared that he might start ignoring me once he found out about my true feelings.

I went to school early that morning. And since it was still early I decided to walk hoping the chilly breeze would give me some courage. I thought the earlier I give him the chocolates the better.

I was lost in thought when a car stopped in front of me. The window opened and I was greeted by the smiling face of Kei. “Aki-chan, why are you walking?”

“This is called exercise, dummy.” I already got used to his teasing so it’s getting more and more natural for us to have this kind of talk.

“Jaa, ore mo.”

“Eh?” Before I could argue he was already outside the car and walking beside me. This was the first time we were together in public.

“Aki-chan, can I borrow your notes in history?” Kei is smart but lazy most of the time so he seldom take notes. I smiled. “Ii yo.” I said then gave him my notes.

“Hontou? Iin desu ka?” I nodded. “Yatta! Arigatou Gozaimasu!” he said and I can’t keep myself from smiling.

The moment we reached the school we said goodbye and as I watch him go I was thinking… I wasn’t able to give him the chocolates after all.

There are rumors spreading in the school that Kei never accepts chocolates from any one. Now I’m really having second thoughts.

I went to our usual place earlier than usual so as expected Kei was not there yet. I took out the chocolates and stared at it for a long time before I decided not to give it to Kei. I really hate myself for not having the guts. I was about to keep it when Kei sneakily came from behind me and said, “To whom are you going to give those chocolates?”

Surprised I said, “No one.”

“Then, can I have it?”

“Huh?” Before I could stop him he took the chocolates from my hand and started eating it. “You made these?”

I nodded.

“Ii jan.” Those words really made me happy. I wasn’t able to tell him my feelings but at least the chocolates served its purpose.

“Aki-chan…” he said after a while.

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to New York.”

A jolt of pain shot right through me. At that moment I couldn’t really understand any of it. Why the thought of him leaving brought me pain. Why he seems to be in pain as well. Why he’s telling me all this instead of just leaving without saying goodbye. Why I felt scared just thinking that I might not be able to see him again.

“When?” was all I could say.

“At the end of the month.”

I didn’t say a word afraid that if I did my feelings would betray me and I might say something I might regret. I don’t want him to know my feelings when I know I have no right to feel that way. I don’t even know the word to describe our relationship. I’ll be his friend as long as he needs me to be but that’s all there is to it. I have no right to demand anything from him especially his heart.

“My dad wants me to study there,” he explained. “He wants me to go a long time ago but I asked him to give me one more year. I told him that if he let me stay for one more year I’ll do everything he wants.” He sighed then stood up. “Yappari. The year is almost up and I still don’t wanna go.”

But a promise is a promise, I thought bitterly. “I heard New York is a nice place.” I can’t tell him to leave coz it would be lying if I said that it’s what I want. I can’t tell him to stay either, not that my words matter, but that would mean stopping him from having a big future in front of him.

“Nothing would be as nice as this place.”

“Sou desu ~ne” I agreed.

“Aki-chan…”

“Hmm?”

“Wait for me.”

“Huh?”

“I’m going back exactly after four years. Yakusoku. Wait for me right here…at this time.”

I smiled and nodded. “Kei ni shinjitteru yo.” Even if he didn’t say “I promise”, I still would be waiting. The thought of him coming back somehow lessened the pain of seeing him go.

It was autumn when he left and ever since then I’ve been looking forward to the day that he’ll come back home. During our final exams I opened my history notes to study and I was surprised when I saw Kei’s handwriting in one of the pages.

Aki-chan,

Aitakute. I haven’t left and yet I miss you already. I couldn’t tell you how I feel after all. Do you know why I didn’t want to go? It’s because I still want to be with you. I want to stay beside you forever. Zutto…zutto…That’s the only place where I wanted to be.

In the end I wasn’t able to do anything. I couldn’t tell you I like you. I couldn’t stand up against my dad and tell him, “I’m not going.” Soredemo, I’ll try to be better so I can come home sooner and tell you how I really feel.Aki-chan wo zutto isshou ni aitai.

Boku wa Aki-chan wo suki desu. Zutto…anata wo daisuki desu. Uso janai. Dakara matte ne. Onegaishimasu. Please wait for me.

Wakarete iru no ni anata no koto bakari. Boku ga soba ni iru. Itsumademo.

Kei

Kei calls me everyday telling me how hard it is to cope up with his new environment and every time, I tried to cheer him up. He sends e-mails with pictures of famous landmarks saying he wants to take me there and we will take pictures together. We didn’t have a formal relationship but I was so happy with the way things are going between us.

But after a year he suddenly stopped calling. He never returned my emails and messages. It seemed like he disappeared suddenly. It was so scary that I refused to think about it. I also wished the years would pass by so quickly. Kei wo aitai. I wanted to see him already. I know he will come. He promised. And so I waited patiently for that day with my hopeful heart already numb from pain.

After four years he came back. It was still summer a little bit earlier than what he promised. I was walking on the street when I saw him driving his car. Our eyes met and I almost swear he saw me and yet he acted like he doesn’t know me. The thing that scares me the most happened at that moment and I was filled with fear.

I called him again that day which I never did for a very long time. I already stopped calling him ever since I accepted the fact that he’s not using the same number anymore. I was greeted by the same voice saying the number is not in use.

My heart was hurting so bad. I can’t forget the look on his face the moment our eyes met and he seemed not to know me. I also found out it’s already been a month since he came home and yet he never tried to contact me.

It was autumn already and although I know in my heart that I shouldn’t pointlessly hope for something impossible I still decided to wait for him. I went to the usual place where we usually spent time together. It’s been three years since I graduated from that school and ever since then I never came again. The school brought a lot of memories to me. But the memories that stand out more are the memories of the few days I spent with Kei. I brought my history notebook with Kei’s letter with me. I can’t remember how many times I’ve read that letter but as I wait I read it all over again. Somehow it gave me the courage I needed at that moment.

It was a holiday so no students came that day. I sat under the huge tree where Kei usually lie down and listen to music. I waited patiently with my history notebook clutched in my arms. Every hour passing by makes my heart beats faster. Just as I expected Kei didn’t come at our exact meeting time but even so I still waited.

Muri da. Wakatteru. Even so I can’t make myself move, leave and never come back again. I couldn’t move knowing that if I leave I won’t see Kei ever again and so as painful as it is I continued to wait. Kei must have his reasons and I want to wait until he’s ready to tell me what they are. I still believe in him. Until now, I want to believe in him.

Kowai. Hontou ni kowai. I’m afraid of going on living knowing that Kei would never be a part of my life again. Rain started to fall and Kei still hasn’t come. I didn’t bring my umbrella so I got wet all over. I didn’t notice it when my tears started to fall. It’s a good thing that the rain washed it away. I don’t want Kei to see me crying like that. Oh, right, Kei isn’t coming anyway. Like a fool, I cried away all the bitterness I felt at that moment.

It started getting dark and the rain hasn’t stopped yet. I feel so cold but I don’t want to move. I sat there crying my heart out until I saw a figure standing in front of me. My eyes are getting blurred so I had to focus before I realize who it was. At first I thought it was just a delusion. Kei is standing in front of me. His expression, I couldn’t read.

I stood up. Tears are still falling from my eyes. It seems like I couldn’t stop them from falling.

“What are you doing, staying here with this kind of weather? Are you trying to kill yourself?” were his first words to me after a very long time. It’s so nice to hear his voice again so I ignored the hint of anger in his voice.

“Kei.” I whispered. I don’t have the strength to talk anymore. He took my hand and began dragging me somewhere. I saw a car in a distance. It’s probably Kei’s car. It was harder to focus each time. It was also getting harder for me to keep up with Kei. He might have noticed it because he suddenly stopped. He put his hand on my forehead and I think I heard him curse. “God, what have I gotten myself into?” he said.

“Ne… I really don’t understand why I’m supposed to be here.” He seems to be talking in riddles. The world seems to be spinning and I closed my eyes for a while trying to steady myself. It’s still raining very hard and we’re both wet but we didn’t seem to mind at all. I can tell Kei was confused and I couldn’t really understand why. I don’t know why Kei is right in front of me and yet he has no idea why he is there. I have no idea what I’m suppose to tell him either.

Without waiting for my reply he sighed. “Anata wa… Aki-chan… desu ka?”

I really felt so weak and my knees couldn’t seem to hold my weight any longer. Everything around me spins and before I knew it I was falling and strong arms caught me. Before I totally lost consciousness I heard Kei’s voice calling me Aki-chan. I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to hear his voice saying my name ever again.

When I woke up I was in a hospital bed and Kei was right beside me sleeping. Then everything happened at the school sink in. I remember Kei asking me, “Could you be Aki-chan?” What does he mean by that? Why can’t he remember me?

Kei might have sensed me moving because he suddenly woke up. “Daijoubu desu ka?” he asked with a hint of concern in his voice. “Daijoubu desu.” I managed to say. My head still hurts not to mention my heart but other than that I guess I’m perfectly fine.

“Gomenasai. I guess it’s my fault. I should have come sooner.”

I shook my head. “I should have left before it started raining.”

“Here” I looked at the thing in his hand and I realized it was my history notebook. “It’s already dry.” I took the notebook from his hands. “I read it.” He continued. I looked at him. “The letter,” he explained.

“Did I…” he paused unsure whether to continue or not but he continued anyway. “Did I really write those?”

I nodded. I tried to meet his eyes but it seems like he’s avoiding mine. “Aki-chan…” he called out my name but it seems like there’s something missing and I can’t tell what.

He sighed a deep sigh.“I can’t remember any of it,” he said. “I can’t remember who you are. The only reason I know your name is because I saw the planner with a note saying “meet Aki-chan at the school grounds”. And I also can’t remember writing that letter.”

“Doushite?” I asked the question that has been eating me all this time. “Wakaranai desu. Hontou ni wakarimasen.”

“Three years ago, I had an accident and I lost my memory…”I looked at him surprised at what he just told me.

“I guess the old me has the habit of writing down dates I don’t want to forget because when I was looking at my things I found my planner and on this date “meet Aki-chan at the school grounds” was written on it. I had no idea why I should be there and most of all I had no idea what to find in there. But when I went to the school I saw you. I didn’t thought you would actually wait for me. I don’t understand why you would risk your life for something as crazy as that.”

“Because you promised.” I waited because he promised he’ll come. He might not remember it but four years ago he promised me he’ll come back so I waited.

“A promise made four years ago? How could you trust something like that?”

“Because that’s the only thing I could do. Wakatteru. Kore wa totemo baka desu. Demo ima mada wa kei ni shinjiteru yo.”

How can I make him understand? How could I make him love me again? Ever since he stopped calling, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I wanted to see him but I don’t know where to find him. I wanted to talk to him but I don’t know how. The only thing I could hold on to was his promise so I waited. Even though there’s no possibility that he would come I’m still gonna wait. Because that’s the only thing I could do.

“Gomenasai.” He kept telling me although “Gomenasai” is not exactly the word I want to hear from him. “I have no idea. Hontou ni gomenasai.”

“Ii yo.” I said. “You kept your promise. A little late but you did.” I smiled trying to cheer him up. Even though things aren’t the same as before I’m happy that I had the chance to be with him again. I’m not sure how long it will last but I’m really happy and I wanted to treasure every moment of it.

He shook his head. “Ii janai. I really hate myself for not remembering any of it.”

“Doushite?” I asked. “What made you decide to go?”

I thought he’s not gonna answer because it took a while before he replied, “Wakaranai. Demo, totemo shiawase desu.” He smiled. “I’m glad that it’s you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m glad I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Until now, I’m still waiting for Kei. I’m going to wait until he gains his memory back and until he is able to say those words I’ve been longing to hear. “Daisuki desu” tte. I want to hear him say it and I’m going to wait even if it takes forever.

~THE END~

Vacation

Sign Posts in Kanji...
People talking in Japanese...
I can't understand any of it but I don't care.
I'm in Japan... I've been telling myself that for a few hours already but it seems like it wouldn't sink in...
I just couldn't believe it. For years I've been dreaming about going to Japan. I've been saving the money I earned from work just to be able to come here.

And now I'm in Japan.

Carrying my lauggage with me I went outside Narita International airport and faced the busy streets of tokyo with a smile on my face.
I really am in Tokyo.

This is the first time I went outside my home country not to mention ALONE. So I was kinda nervous but definitely excited. Next to the Philippines, Japan is my most favorite country. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's their culture, their languange, or maybe it's their amazing japanese pride.

It was in college when a friend of mine introduced me to japanese stuffs. Basically everything about Japan like manga, anime, jdrama, jpop and even their language. I been trying to learn Nihongo ever since then but since I didn't have a proper lesson, the level of my japanese isn't something that can be used in a normal japanese conversation.

So you see, being here in japan with a limited amount of japanese vocabulary requires a great deal of courage.

Anyway, I hailed a taxi and the driver said something in japanese and I assumed he's asking where I want to go. I already expected that taxi drivers in japan doesn't speak english so I tried my best to explain to him that I need to go to a hotel. I told him in a japanese accent, "hoteru" and luckily he understood. Anywhere is actually fine with me. I just need a place to stay. The cheaper the better.

Inside the car I listened to some songs of my favorite boy group Tohoshinki. As I gaze outside the window I thought, "is this how they felt when they first came to japan?" Tohoshinki is a korean group who is also famous in japan. They are actually one of the reasons why I wanted to be here. Maybe I'll be lucky if I can come to their concert even once.

Unconciously I begun singing...
Dare mo ga dare ka ni aisareru tame ni
The driver said something in japanese and I assumed he meant I have a good voice since he said ii(good) and koe(voice).
I think i blushed because he laughed and then I told him, "Arigatou gozaimasu"

When I arived at a hotel, I thanked the driver and went inside the building. I was greeted by a friendly receptionist and thankfully she speaks english.

It's still winter in Japan so it's really cold. I'm wearing a jacket but I still feel cold. In manila they don't sell winter jackets since we don't have winter season. I decided to go shopping right away.

Since a commercial tour isn't part of my budget I decided to tour myself. After I settle in the hotel I decided to walk to the nearest shopping place although I'm not sure where it is. In a distance I can see the Tokyo Tower. It's really tall. I heard it was even taller than the eiffel tower in Paris. It's... beautiful.
It's already getting dark and the night view of the tower is amazing.

I was walking in the streets of tokyo when I saw a crowd of people doing what looks like a filming of some kind of drama. I was curious so I tried to see what it was. I was trying so hard to get a good view of whatever happening in there that I didn't notice a man who is apparently didn't notice me too for he was talking with someone on his cellphone. We bumped with each other and we both said "sumimasen" almost at the same time. He was holding a drink on his hand and he accidentally spilled it on me. He said sorry again and again. I didn't get the chance to see his face because I was busy wiping the spilled coffee from my jacket. Something stopped me suddenly. I guess it was his very familiar voice. I looked up to make sure I'm not hearing things. But when I did I was so shocked I couldn't move. Right in front of me is Tohoshinki's Jaejoong. I dreamed about meeting him someday but I never expected it to happen at all. But now he's in front of me saying, "hontou ni gomenasai". When I finally caught myself I said, "daijoubu desu."

He said something in Japanese again and I couldn't understand most of it. But knowing Jaejoong I figured he's not going to drop the case. I tried to explain I'm not japanese and I'm very poor in nihongo. When he understood he said, "Ah, hontou desu ka?" I said, "Hai. Watashi wa Piripinjin desu."

"Piripin wa daisuki desu!" he said and it made me laugh. "Boku wa Jaejoong desu." He offered his hand and I reached for it nervously "Hajimemashite," he said.

"Joyce desu. Hajimemashite" I said hoping he didn't noticed how nervous I am.

"Kankokojin desu"

I know he's korean so I told him so, "Shittemasu."

"Sou desu ka? Nande?" then he asked if it was his accent that gave him away.
I was going to tell him that I know him but before I can speak another fan approached jaejoong asking for his autograph. He looks a little tired and I'm almost sure he's going to decline but instead he took the paper and pen from the fan and flashed a smile that took both our breath away. He kindly returned it to the fan who then happily gave her big thanks to jaejoong.

"Gomen ne~" he said to me.

"Ya~ daijoubu desu." Before, I was considering asking for his authograph as well just like that fan but now I decided not to do it. I'm not really sure what made me change my mind. Maybe it was his tired look that I saw for a moment and which he hid so suddenly like it wasn't there at all. But nevertheless I decided not to let him know I'm a cassiopeia. I don't want him to treat me like he did to that lucky fan. I don't want him to treat me just like any other fan. Most of all I don't want to burden him so if I can just disappear at that moment I would have done so even if it hurts me or even if it will make me curse myself thousands of times. I don't care.

With difficulty I forced myself to say goodbye.
"Jaa~ It's nice meeting you Jaejoong-san" I was about to leave but he suddenly stopped me from leaving.

"Chotto matte kudasai.. If you can just wait for a few minutes. We we're about to finish for today. If it's ok, I like to buy you dinner. I mean... of course that is if you have time. I would be very happy if you say yes..."

I'm not sure how long I was gaping at his pretty smiling face but at some point I just found myself saying yes and then the next moment I was sitting in the corner watching them film and waiting for Jajeoong to finish his job. After Jajeoong finished his schedule he said sorry to me again for making me wait. I probably look calm outside but the truth is being around jaejoong makes me so nervous

"Two of my friends wanted to join us tonight. Will it be ok?"
I was pretty sure it was Junsu and Yoochun he's talking about so I got nervous even more. But I cant tell him it's not ok since I was dying to see them too. And so I told him, "Yes. That's ok. I don't mind."

We were on our way to a restaurant on Jaejoong's car. Apparently he decided to apply for a Japanese driver's license since most of the time he's in Japan.
Although I'm not very familiar with car brands I can tell it was a nice car.

"It's been a long time since I last saw them so I'm really looking forward to it." Jaejoong said. I feel bad hearing this from Jaejoong. I know what they're going through right now. Because of the law suit against their korean company Tohoshinki had stopped their group activities. It's been more than a year already and there's still no conclusion.

"Don't you call each other?" I think it was safe to ask.

"We do but not as often as we used to." When I looked at him he was wearing a sad expression but the next moment it was gone and it was back to his usual happy face.

"Do you eat spicy foods?" he asked.

"I used to hate it but now I'm ok with it." Actually it was jaejoong who made me try eating spicy foods. I wanted to eat it because I know Jaejoong likes it. In the end I came to like it too. But I can't tell him that. Thankfuly he didn't pry anymore.

When we arrived Yoochun and Junsu were already there. I can hear Junsu's laughter from afar and it made me smile. Jaejoong introduced me to them.

"This is Joyce. She's from the Philippines and she's not good in japanese" he said.
Yoochun said "nice to meet you" in english almost like an american. I said "nice to meet you too." Junsu tried to speak in eglish too but as expected he's not very good at it and it just earned a laugh from everyone.

Jaejoong explained to me that Yoochun lived in america for a few years that's why he can speak english. Although I already know I didn't say anything. Jaejoong said something to Yoochun and my limited knowlege in nihingo prevented me from understanding it. Yoochun turned to me and said in english, "Jaejoong said he feels sorry for spilling coffee on your jacket and he wanted to buy you a new one."

"No, really.. it's ok. You don't have to do that."

"Ya~ daijoubu." Jaejoong said

"No, it's fine. Please do't worry." But apparently Jaejoong have an amazing power of persuation for he made me agree again in the end.

We ate a very spicy ramen and it was so spicy that I even thought its not meant for humans but it seems like everyone likes it so much and even junsu who's not very good with spicy stuff doesn't find it spicy at all. But still it was delicious and I was so full after we finished eating.

During dinner everyone were talking and since I'm poor in japanese I can only understand a few of what they're saying. Yoochun will translate some of it for me though. It seems like they really missed each other and I'm happy to see them together like this.

After dinner everyone payed for their own meal except for mine which was payed by Jaejoong. We said goodbye to Junsu and Yoochun then Jaejoong took me to a department store. It was already in the middle of the night so there are less people shopping. Everyone was looking at Jaejoong and I feel awkward being with him but it seems like he's already used to it.

I decided to make it quick and chose whatever cheapest I can find but then suddenly Jaejoong was in the counter paying for a super expensive jacket and it was so pretty and he didn't even give me the chance to protest. Just what I expected from Jaejoong with an amazing fashion sense.

I told him where I'm staying and he took me home. I suddenly feel bad that it will probably be my last chance to see him so I have to force myself to say goodbye to him. I thanked him for the wonderful dinner and for the jacket. It seems like he wanted to say something but decided not to. He said goodnight then he waited for me to get inside the hotel before he drove off.

I find it hard to sleep that night. I've been staying up all night cursing jaejoong for his wonderful smile and pretty face that invades my thoughts every time I close my eyes. The sun was already rising when I finally able to sleep.

It was almost noon when I finally woke up. I took a quick shower but I'm not up for sight seeing today. I still couldn't get over the shock from meeting the three members of Tohoshinki yesterday. It seems like whatever I do today wouldn't be as interesting as yesterday. But thinking that I'll be going home tomorrow I thought I shouldn't waste any moment so I forced myself to get dressed and get something to eat. Besides I'm starving.

Just as I thought I had a boring day. I walk the streets of tokyo and thoughts about Jaejoong never leave my mind. I was actually half hoping I would bump with him again today. I saw a small booth selling takoyaki and I bought one. They also sell takoyaki in Manila but just as I thought this one taste way better than what i had back home. I saw the tokyo tower from a far and I decided to go see what tokyo looks like from the top.

The view from the top of the tokyo tower is really beautiful. I stayed there for an hour appreciating the view. Then  went to a nearby restaurant to eat dinner. It was already dark whe I finally got home.

A few hours later the hotel receptonist called me saying someone wants to see me. My heart started going crazy again. I managed to tell the receptionist that I'll be there in a minute. When I got down the lobby I saw Jaejoong wearing jeans and a white tank top under a stylish blazer. I think the best word to describe him at the moment is "gorgeous". Oh, well he's always been gorgeous so I think it's kinda stupid for me to state the obvious.

I wanted to ask him what in the world is he doing there making my heart beat so fast like its gonna explode but it's kinda rude so I decided to keep my mouth shut instead. Jaejoong was the first to broke the silence. "Konbanwa" he said

"K-konbanwa" I replied.

"Since I didn't get the chance to properly say goodbye last night I thought I should see you again tonight." now that he mentioned it he didn't really said goodbye last night. he only said "oyasumi" and then he drove away.

"Do you have time?" He asked.

"Ee?" I said still surprised. "Nande?"

"I wanted to take you for a walk. If that's ok with you."

"It's ok." I noticed something's troubling him and I wanted to know what it is. We went for a walk and I feel so cold not because of the weather but because I was too nervous. But I didn't want him to notice it so I tried to keep a conversation with him...

"Don't you even sleep, Jaejoong-san?"

"Eee? What do you mean?"

"You work hard during the day and now you're talking with a girl you barely even know in the middle of the night. Do you even get some sleep?"

I saw him smile but it didnt reach his eyes. "It's better than lying on my bed trying to sleep while thinking about things that makes me so frustrated."

He looks so hurt despite that smile that he's trying to show. I looked up the sky trying to avoid his eyes. "Woah! Kirei na~" He looked up as well. "The moon. It's so pretty isn't it?"

"Yes" When I looked back at him I noticed he's not looking at the moon but to me instead. I felt myself blush and I'm thankful it's dark or else I would have died with embarassment.

We reached the sumida river and we decided to rest for a while while sitting on the grass. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"About what?"

"The things that makes you so frustrated."

He sighed and I thought he's not going to answer me but after a while he said,
"I have two friends that I hadn't seen for quite a long time now. No, I guess we're not just friends. We're like a family. I'm not sure when it started but we just sort of... drifted apart..."

I know what he meant. I've been wondering if they still have the same relationship as before despite the law suit but after hearing those words Jaejoong has just confirmed the thing that scares me the most.

I wanted to ask him a lot of things like why aren't you seeing each other anymore and why can't they stay the same as before, why do their relationship have to be affected by one stupid law suit but all I could say was "Why?"

"Actually, I don't even know... everyone started doing different things and before I knew it everything started to change..."

I wanted to tell him so many things but I couldn't not just because my Japanese isn't good enough but also because he look so hurt right now that I'm afraid I might say things that could hurt him even more.

"Why don't you call them once in a while? That's why we have cellphones you know." I said trying to lighten the mood but it didn't do much.

"There are times when I think about calling them but then I hesitate thinking that there's really nothing to talk about. Or maybe I'm just scared they might start saying painful things that I'm not brave enough to hear yet."

I felt awkward because I didn't know what to say. thankfully jaejoong broke the silence. "Gomen ne~ I started saying things that doesn't make any sense." He was laughing a little bit but when I looked at his face he was wearing a pained look and I'm not sure if I just imagined it but I guess I saw a tear fell from his eyes. But I can't really tell because it was dark and I couldn't see clearly.

Everything he said made sense to me but to someone who doesn't know Tohoshinki it really doesn't make any sense. Anyway, I shooked my head and told him it was fine. I hate myself for not being able to make him feel better. But then I realized I couldn't have done anything since I was hurting as well.

"Ikimashou ka?" he asked after a while.

"Mmm." I agreed because although I still want to stay with him a little longer he still needed some rest and I should't prevent him from doing that. We walked back to the hotel together.

He's already inside the car when he said,"Can I... drop by again tommorrow?"

Tommorrow I'm going back home. I knew it will be a really short trip but I never thought it would be that fast... I know everything comes to an end but I can't stay anymore. I wanted to tell him it's impossible but before I could answer he said, "Jaa~ ashita ni matta ne~" then he closed the window and drove fast leaving me staring at him as he drove away.

He was long gone but I still couldn't make myself move from where I stand. I wasn't even able to say goodbye. No matter how much I wanted to see him I couldn't stay anymore. As I remember the moment I saw a tear fell from his eyes I noticed some tears also started falling from mine. Thankfully it's in the middle of the night and it's a little dark so no one would have noticed it.

If I had a difficulty sleeping the other night this time I wasn't able to sleep at all.
The sun started rising creating a puple line on the horizon. In other instances I would have thought it was beautiful but right now nothing occupies my mind besides the fact that I have to leave no matter how much I wanted to stay.

Since Jaejoong said last night that he's going to drop by today I thought it's not right to just disappear so suddenly so I decided to leave a note.

Jaejoong Oppa,

Gamsahamnida...

I can't describe how happy I am that I was finally able to meet you.

Please say hi to Yoochun oppa and Junsu oppa for me too.

Please be healthy. Don't work yourselves to death.

Although I always wanted to see you happy, if you want to cry don't restrain yourselves.

As long as you create music I'll continue to listen to them.

You told us to wait right? You said let's all wait together. so even if it takes forever I'll be waiting.

It will be ok, you'll see...

Joyce

Years have already passed since that encounter but even now I still find it hard to convince myself that it wasn't just a dream and that it really did happen. I'm not even sure if he was able to get the message I left him that day.

One day Jaejoong left a message in his cafe saying something like this...

I cooked jiggae for my four brothers. They said they missed my cooking.

Although we're busy doing different things right now we will forever be like a family.

Maybe someday we will again get a chance to create music together.

And that will be my biggest dream.

After reading this, I smiled and thought, all the years of waiting is definitely worth it.

~THE END~