I'm Glad It's You

I unexpectedly met him one day, a meeting that changed my life forever. His face is etched in my mind for as long as I live.

He has such a wonderful smile. No, he didn’t smile at me. How I wish he did. I guess he doesn’t even know I existed. Or so I thought. After all I was just like a shadow; someone who blends in the crowd unnoticed… simple and ordinary.

We went to the same school but his world is entirely different from mine. And yet seeing him everyday is all I wanted. One glance is enough. That’s all I’ve been asking.

His name is Iwase Kei, the heir of the richest family in the country. I’ve been in love with Kei for a long time now and until this moment I’m still wondering why of all people does it have to be him.

Before I noticed it my life suddenly changed right before my eyes. I guess it was some sheer luck that our worlds suddenly met. And I’m not sure if I should be thankful or not. No, I guess I am thankful. It was painful at times and it still hurts me just thinking about it. But I think if we hadn’t met I won’t feel happiness as well.

“Ii yo.” Those were the first words he said to me. “H-hontou ni gomen.” I said stuttering and sounding so stupid. He smiled and I felt more embarrassed.

I saw him that morning lying on the grass in a secluded part of the school with his eyes closed and earphones on his ear. He might have sensed me looking at him because he opened his eyes and I think I saw anger in them for a moment.

“Gomenasai.” I’m not sure why I apologized. I just have the feeling that I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Gomen. I didn’t know someone’s here.”

He sighed. “Ii yo.”

“H-hontou ni gomen.”

“Ii kara. It’s time for me to go anyway. Jaa~ne.” Then he left and never came again after that.

I didn’t know why he was in that kind of place all alone. I guess there are a lot of things that I didn’t know about him even now. The Kei I saw that morning was entirely different from the Kei I thought I knew.

Kei is always been surrounded by people. Everyone likes him and even the teachers look up to him not just because of his family’s influence but also because he’s really smart and knows almost everything. That morning was the first time I saw him alone.

The next days went back to normal. We lived our own different worlds once again. Once in a while my feet bring me to the same place where I met him before. I guess that’s the only place where I could get close to him. But to my disappointment he never comes.

But one day, I went to the same place again and to my surprise I heard someone said, “You came again.” When I look up I saw Kei sitting on the top of the tree.

“Why do you always come here everyday?” It seems like he’s in an unusually good mood that day. He jumped from the tree and the sight made me stop for a second.

“Have you been there all along?” I asked still feeling awkward.

“Yep. Everyday. I see you eat lunch here everyday with that sad look on your face.” I blushed. “Uso!” I said feeling embarrassed. “Uso janai,” he said laughing a little.

Sad look? Do I really? I wondered. Oh well, I guess I do. Maybe I have always been disappointed every time I wanted to see him and couldn’t.

He lied down on the grass just like before. “Don’t you wanna sit?” he asked. That’s when I realized I’ve been standing there like an idiot for quite a long time. I sat in a spot a bit far from him.

“Ne~”

“Huh?” I said startled. It was surprising that he’s actually taking to me. I was expecting he would be mad. After all I’m disrupting his privacy.

“Namae wa?” he asked.

Still feeling quite uneasy I said…“Koyama Aki.”

“Aki…is that the kanji for autumn?”

I nodded.

“You know, autumn has always been my favorite season.” He stood back up and to my surprise he sat beside me.

“Jaa, can I call you Aki-chan?” I nodded, a little bit discomfited. If this is some kind of a dream then I don’t wanna wake up anymore. I never thought my name could sound that sweet. Sitting beside Kei and talking like we were long time friends doesn’t seem so real.

“Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu, Aki-chan.” He said. “Yoroshiku.” I replied.

We became closer after that. I met a different side of Kei, very different from the usual famous Kei. I wondered if he was purposely trying to hide his true self from everyone.

It was Valentines Day when I decided to make chocolates and give it to Kei. I was kind of nervous since I don’t know where to get the courage I needed. They say Valentines Day is the perfect day for girls to confess their feelings to the guy they like. I’m not expecting Kei would feel the same way that I do. But somehow I’m scared that Kei won’t accept even just the chocolates. I’m scared that he might start ignoring me once he found out about my true feelings.

I went to school early that morning. And since it was still early I decided to walk hoping the chilly breeze would give me some courage. I thought the earlier I give him the chocolates the better.

I was lost in thought when a car stopped in front of me. The window opened and I was greeted by the smiling face of Kei. “Aki-chan, why are you walking?”

“This is called exercise, dummy.” I already got used to his teasing so it’s getting more and more natural for us to have this kind of talk.

“Jaa, ore mo.”

“Eh?” Before I could argue he was already outside the car and walking beside me. This was the first time we were together in public.

“Aki-chan, can I borrow your notes in history?” Kei is smart but lazy most of the time so he seldom take notes. I smiled. “Ii yo.” I said then gave him my notes.

“Hontou? Iin desu ka?” I nodded. “Yatta! Arigatou Gozaimasu!” he said and I can’t keep myself from smiling.

The moment we reached the school we said goodbye and as I watch him go I was thinking… I wasn’t able to give him the chocolates after all.

There are rumors spreading in the school that Kei never accepts chocolates from any one. Now I’m really having second thoughts.

I went to our usual place earlier than usual so as expected Kei was not there yet. I took out the chocolates and stared at it for a long time before I decided not to give it to Kei. I really hate myself for not having the guts. I was about to keep it when Kei sneakily came from behind me and said, “To whom are you going to give those chocolates?”

Surprised I said, “No one.”

“Then, can I have it?”

“Huh?” Before I could stop him he took the chocolates from my hand and started eating it. “You made these?”

I nodded.

“Ii jan.” Those words really made me happy. I wasn’t able to tell him my feelings but at least the chocolates served its purpose.

“Aki-chan…” he said after a while.

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to New York.”

A jolt of pain shot right through me. At that moment I couldn’t really understand any of it. Why the thought of him leaving brought me pain. Why he seems to be in pain as well. Why he’s telling me all this instead of just leaving without saying goodbye. Why I felt scared just thinking that I might not be able to see him again.

“When?” was all I could say.

“At the end of the month.”

I didn’t say a word afraid that if I did my feelings would betray me and I might say something I might regret. I don’t want him to know my feelings when I know I have no right to feel that way. I don’t even know the word to describe our relationship. I’ll be his friend as long as he needs me to be but that’s all there is to it. I have no right to demand anything from him especially his heart.

“My dad wants me to study there,” he explained. “He wants me to go a long time ago but I asked him to give me one more year. I told him that if he let me stay for one more year I’ll do everything he wants.” He sighed then stood up. “Yappari. The year is almost up and I still don’t wanna go.”

But a promise is a promise, I thought bitterly. “I heard New York is a nice place.” I can’t tell him to leave coz it would be lying if I said that it’s what I want. I can’t tell him to stay either, not that my words matter, but that would mean stopping him from having a big future in front of him.

“Nothing would be as nice as this place.”

“Sou desu ~ne” I agreed.

“Aki-chan…”

“Hmm?”

“Wait for me.”

“Huh?”

“I’m going back exactly after four years. Yakusoku. Wait for me right here…at this time.”

I smiled and nodded. “Kei ni shinjitteru yo.” Even if he didn’t say “I promise”, I still would be waiting. The thought of him coming back somehow lessened the pain of seeing him go.

It was autumn when he left and ever since then I’ve been looking forward to the day that he’ll come back home. During our final exams I opened my history notes to study and I was surprised when I saw Kei’s handwriting in one of the pages.

Aki-chan,

Aitakute. I haven’t left and yet I miss you already. I couldn’t tell you how I feel after all. Do you know why I didn’t want to go? It’s because I still want to be with you. I want to stay beside you forever. Zutto…zutto…That’s the only place where I wanted to be.

In the end I wasn’t able to do anything. I couldn’t tell you I like you. I couldn’t stand up against my dad and tell him, “I’m not going.” Soredemo, I’ll try to be better so I can come home sooner and tell you how I really feel.Aki-chan wo zutto isshou ni aitai.

Boku wa Aki-chan wo suki desu. Zutto…anata wo daisuki desu. Uso janai. Dakara matte ne. Onegaishimasu. Please wait for me.

Wakarete iru no ni anata no koto bakari. Boku ga soba ni iru. Itsumademo.

Kei

Kei calls me everyday telling me how hard it is to cope up with his new environment and every time, I tried to cheer him up. He sends e-mails with pictures of famous landmarks saying he wants to take me there and we will take pictures together. We didn’t have a formal relationship but I was so happy with the way things are going between us.

But after a year he suddenly stopped calling. He never returned my emails and messages. It seemed like he disappeared suddenly. It was so scary that I refused to think about it. I also wished the years would pass by so quickly. Kei wo aitai. I wanted to see him already. I know he will come. He promised. And so I waited patiently for that day with my hopeful heart already numb from pain.

After four years he came back. It was still summer a little bit earlier than what he promised. I was walking on the street when I saw him driving his car. Our eyes met and I almost swear he saw me and yet he acted like he doesn’t know me. The thing that scares me the most happened at that moment and I was filled with fear.

I called him again that day which I never did for a very long time. I already stopped calling him ever since I accepted the fact that he’s not using the same number anymore. I was greeted by the same voice saying the number is not in use.

My heart was hurting so bad. I can’t forget the look on his face the moment our eyes met and he seemed not to know me. I also found out it’s already been a month since he came home and yet he never tried to contact me.

It was autumn already and although I know in my heart that I shouldn’t pointlessly hope for something impossible I still decided to wait for him. I went to the usual place where we usually spent time together. It’s been three years since I graduated from that school and ever since then I never came again. The school brought a lot of memories to me. But the memories that stand out more are the memories of the few days I spent with Kei. I brought my history notebook with Kei’s letter with me. I can’t remember how many times I’ve read that letter but as I wait I read it all over again. Somehow it gave me the courage I needed at that moment.

It was a holiday so no students came that day. I sat under the huge tree where Kei usually lie down and listen to music. I waited patiently with my history notebook clutched in my arms. Every hour passing by makes my heart beats faster. Just as I expected Kei didn’t come at our exact meeting time but even so I still waited.

Muri da. Wakatteru. Even so I can’t make myself move, leave and never come back again. I couldn’t move knowing that if I leave I won’t see Kei ever again and so as painful as it is I continued to wait. Kei must have his reasons and I want to wait until he’s ready to tell me what they are. I still believe in him. Until now, I want to believe in him.

Kowai. Hontou ni kowai. I’m afraid of going on living knowing that Kei would never be a part of my life again. Rain started to fall and Kei still hasn’t come. I didn’t bring my umbrella so I got wet all over. I didn’t notice it when my tears started to fall. It’s a good thing that the rain washed it away. I don’t want Kei to see me crying like that. Oh, right, Kei isn’t coming anyway. Like a fool, I cried away all the bitterness I felt at that moment.

It started getting dark and the rain hasn’t stopped yet. I feel so cold but I don’t want to move. I sat there crying my heart out until I saw a figure standing in front of me. My eyes are getting blurred so I had to focus before I realize who it was. At first I thought it was just a delusion. Kei is standing in front of me. His expression, I couldn’t read.

I stood up. Tears are still falling from my eyes. It seems like I couldn’t stop them from falling.

“What are you doing, staying here with this kind of weather? Are you trying to kill yourself?” were his first words to me after a very long time. It’s so nice to hear his voice again so I ignored the hint of anger in his voice.

“Kei.” I whispered. I don’t have the strength to talk anymore. He took my hand and began dragging me somewhere. I saw a car in a distance. It’s probably Kei’s car. It was harder to focus each time. It was also getting harder for me to keep up with Kei. He might have noticed it because he suddenly stopped. He put his hand on my forehead and I think I heard him curse. “God, what have I gotten myself into?” he said.

“Ne… I really don’t understand why I’m supposed to be here.” He seems to be talking in riddles. The world seems to be spinning and I closed my eyes for a while trying to steady myself. It’s still raining very hard and we’re both wet but we didn’t seem to mind at all. I can tell Kei was confused and I couldn’t really understand why. I don’t know why Kei is right in front of me and yet he has no idea why he is there. I have no idea what I’m suppose to tell him either.

Without waiting for my reply he sighed. “Anata wa… Aki-chan… desu ka?”

I really felt so weak and my knees couldn’t seem to hold my weight any longer. Everything around me spins and before I knew it I was falling and strong arms caught me. Before I totally lost consciousness I heard Kei’s voice calling me Aki-chan. I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to hear his voice saying my name ever again.

When I woke up I was in a hospital bed and Kei was right beside me sleeping. Then everything happened at the school sink in. I remember Kei asking me, “Could you be Aki-chan?” What does he mean by that? Why can’t he remember me?

Kei might have sensed me moving because he suddenly woke up. “Daijoubu desu ka?” he asked with a hint of concern in his voice. “Daijoubu desu.” I managed to say. My head still hurts not to mention my heart but other than that I guess I’m perfectly fine.

“Gomenasai. I guess it’s my fault. I should have come sooner.”

I shook my head. “I should have left before it started raining.”

“Here” I looked at the thing in his hand and I realized it was my history notebook. “It’s already dry.” I took the notebook from his hands. “I read it.” He continued. I looked at him. “The letter,” he explained.

“Did I…” he paused unsure whether to continue or not but he continued anyway. “Did I really write those?”

I nodded. I tried to meet his eyes but it seems like he’s avoiding mine. “Aki-chan…” he called out my name but it seems like there’s something missing and I can’t tell what.

He sighed a deep sigh.“I can’t remember any of it,” he said. “I can’t remember who you are. The only reason I know your name is because I saw the planner with a note saying “meet Aki-chan at the school grounds”. And I also can’t remember writing that letter.”

“Doushite?” I asked the question that has been eating me all this time. “Wakaranai desu. Hontou ni wakarimasen.”

“Three years ago, I had an accident and I lost my memory…”I looked at him surprised at what he just told me.

“I guess the old me has the habit of writing down dates I don’t want to forget because when I was looking at my things I found my planner and on this date “meet Aki-chan at the school grounds” was written on it. I had no idea why I should be there and most of all I had no idea what to find in there. But when I went to the school I saw you. I didn’t thought you would actually wait for me. I don’t understand why you would risk your life for something as crazy as that.”

“Because you promised.” I waited because he promised he’ll come. He might not remember it but four years ago he promised me he’ll come back so I waited.

“A promise made four years ago? How could you trust something like that?”

“Because that’s the only thing I could do. Wakatteru. Kore wa totemo baka desu. Demo ima mada wa kei ni shinjiteru yo.”

How can I make him understand? How could I make him love me again? Ever since he stopped calling, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I wanted to see him but I don’t know where to find him. I wanted to talk to him but I don’t know how. The only thing I could hold on to was his promise so I waited. Even though there’s no possibility that he would come I’m still gonna wait. Because that’s the only thing I could do.

“Gomenasai.” He kept telling me although “Gomenasai” is not exactly the word I want to hear from him. “I have no idea. Hontou ni gomenasai.”

“Ii yo.” I said. “You kept your promise. A little late but you did.” I smiled trying to cheer him up. Even though things aren’t the same as before I’m happy that I had the chance to be with him again. I’m not sure how long it will last but I’m really happy and I wanted to treasure every moment of it.

He shook his head. “Ii janai. I really hate myself for not remembering any of it.”

“Doushite?” I asked. “What made you decide to go?”

I thought he’s not gonna answer because it took a while before he replied, “Wakaranai. Demo, totemo shiawase desu.” He smiled. “I’m glad that it’s you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m glad I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Until now, I’m still waiting for Kei. I’m going to wait until he gains his memory back and until he is able to say those words I’ve been longing to hear. “Daisuki desu” tte. I want to hear him say it and I’m going to wait even if it takes forever.

~THE END~