Vacation

Sign Posts in Kanji...
People talking in Japanese...
I can't understand any of it but I don't care.
I'm in Japan... I've been telling myself that for a few hours already but it seems like it wouldn't sink in...
I just couldn't believe it. For years I've been dreaming about going to Japan. I've been saving the money I earned from work just to be able to come here.

And now I'm in Japan.

Carrying my lauggage with me I went outside Narita International airport and faced the busy streets of tokyo with a smile on my face.
I really am in Tokyo.

This is the first time I went outside my home country not to mention ALONE. So I was kinda nervous but definitely excited. Next to the Philippines, Japan is my most favorite country. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's their culture, their languange, or maybe it's their amazing japanese pride.

It was in college when a friend of mine introduced me to japanese stuffs. Basically everything about Japan like manga, anime, jdrama, jpop and even their language. I been trying to learn Nihongo ever since then but since I didn't have a proper lesson, the level of my japanese isn't something that can be used in a normal japanese conversation.

So you see, being here in japan with a limited amount of japanese vocabulary requires a great deal of courage.

Anyway, I hailed a taxi and the driver said something in japanese and I assumed he's asking where I want to go. I already expected that taxi drivers in japan doesn't speak english so I tried my best to explain to him that I need to go to a hotel. I told him in a japanese accent, "hoteru" and luckily he understood. Anywhere is actually fine with me. I just need a place to stay. The cheaper the better.

Inside the car I listened to some songs of my favorite boy group Tohoshinki. As I gaze outside the window I thought, "is this how they felt when they first came to japan?" Tohoshinki is a korean group who is also famous in japan. They are actually one of the reasons why I wanted to be here. Maybe I'll be lucky if I can come to their concert even once.

Unconciously I begun singing...
Dare mo ga dare ka ni aisareru tame ni
The driver said something in japanese and I assumed he meant I have a good voice since he said ii(good) and koe(voice).
I think i blushed because he laughed and then I told him, "Arigatou gozaimasu"

When I arived at a hotel, I thanked the driver and went inside the building. I was greeted by a friendly receptionist and thankfully she speaks english.

It's still winter in Japan so it's really cold. I'm wearing a jacket but I still feel cold. In manila they don't sell winter jackets since we don't have winter season. I decided to go shopping right away.

Since a commercial tour isn't part of my budget I decided to tour myself. After I settle in the hotel I decided to walk to the nearest shopping place although I'm not sure where it is. In a distance I can see the Tokyo Tower. It's really tall. I heard it was even taller than the eiffel tower in Paris. It's... beautiful.
It's already getting dark and the night view of the tower is amazing.

I was walking in the streets of tokyo when I saw a crowd of people doing what looks like a filming of some kind of drama. I was curious so I tried to see what it was. I was trying so hard to get a good view of whatever happening in there that I didn't notice a man who is apparently didn't notice me too for he was talking with someone on his cellphone. We bumped with each other and we both said "sumimasen" almost at the same time. He was holding a drink on his hand and he accidentally spilled it on me. He said sorry again and again. I didn't get the chance to see his face because I was busy wiping the spilled coffee from my jacket. Something stopped me suddenly. I guess it was his very familiar voice. I looked up to make sure I'm not hearing things. But when I did I was so shocked I couldn't move. Right in front of me is Tohoshinki's Jaejoong. I dreamed about meeting him someday but I never expected it to happen at all. But now he's in front of me saying, "hontou ni gomenasai". When I finally caught myself I said, "daijoubu desu."

He said something in Japanese again and I couldn't understand most of it. But knowing Jaejoong I figured he's not going to drop the case. I tried to explain I'm not japanese and I'm very poor in nihongo. When he understood he said, "Ah, hontou desu ka?" I said, "Hai. Watashi wa Piripinjin desu."

"Piripin wa daisuki desu!" he said and it made me laugh. "Boku wa Jaejoong desu." He offered his hand and I reached for it nervously "Hajimemashite," he said.

"Joyce desu. Hajimemashite" I said hoping he didn't noticed how nervous I am.

"Kankokojin desu"

I know he's korean so I told him so, "Shittemasu."

"Sou desu ka? Nande?" then he asked if it was his accent that gave him away.
I was going to tell him that I know him but before I can speak another fan approached jaejoong asking for his autograph. He looks a little tired and I'm almost sure he's going to decline but instead he took the paper and pen from the fan and flashed a smile that took both our breath away. He kindly returned it to the fan who then happily gave her big thanks to jaejoong.

"Gomen ne~" he said to me.

"Ya~ daijoubu desu." Before, I was considering asking for his authograph as well just like that fan but now I decided not to do it. I'm not really sure what made me change my mind. Maybe it was his tired look that I saw for a moment and which he hid so suddenly like it wasn't there at all. But nevertheless I decided not to let him know I'm a cassiopeia. I don't want him to treat me like he did to that lucky fan. I don't want him to treat me just like any other fan. Most of all I don't want to burden him so if I can just disappear at that moment I would have done so even if it hurts me or even if it will make me curse myself thousands of times. I don't care.

With difficulty I forced myself to say goodbye.
"Jaa~ It's nice meeting you Jaejoong-san" I was about to leave but he suddenly stopped me from leaving.

"Chotto matte kudasai.. If you can just wait for a few minutes. We we're about to finish for today. If it's ok, I like to buy you dinner. I mean... of course that is if you have time. I would be very happy if you say yes..."

I'm not sure how long I was gaping at his pretty smiling face but at some point I just found myself saying yes and then the next moment I was sitting in the corner watching them film and waiting for Jajeoong to finish his job. After Jajeoong finished his schedule he said sorry to me again for making me wait. I probably look calm outside but the truth is being around jaejoong makes me so nervous

"Two of my friends wanted to join us tonight. Will it be ok?"
I was pretty sure it was Junsu and Yoochun he's talking about so I got nervous even more. But I cant tell him it's not ok since I was dying to see them too. And so I told him, "Yes. That's ok. I don't mind."

We were on our way to a restaurant on Jaejoong's car. Apparently he decided to apply for a Japanese driver's license since most of the time he's in Japan.
Although I'm not very familiar with car brands I can tell it was a nice car.

"It's been a long time since I last saw them so I'm really looking forward to it." Jaejoong said. I feel bad hearing this from Jaejoong. I know what they're going through right now. Because of the law suit against their korean company Tohoshinki had stopped their group activities. It's been more than a year already and there's still no conclusion.

"Don't you call each other?" I think it was safe to ask.

"We do but not as often as we used to." When I looked at him he was wearing a sad expression but the next moment it was gone and it was back to his usual happy face.

"Do you eat spicy foods?" he asked.

"I used to hate it but now I'm ok with it." Actually it was jaejoong who made me try eating spicy foods. I wanted to eat it because I know Jaejoong likes it. In the end I came to like it too. But I can't tell him that. Thankfuly he didn't pry anymore.

When we arrived Yoochun and Junsu were already there. I can hear Junsu's laughter from afar and it made me smile. Jaejoong introduced me to them.

"This is Joyce. She's from the Philippines and she's not good in japanese" he said.
Yoochun said "nice to meet you" in english almost like an american. I said "nice to meet you too." Junsu tried to speak in eglish too but as expected he's not very good at it and it just earned a laugh from everyone.

Jaejoong explained to me that Yoochun lived in america for a few years that's why he can speak english. Although I already know I didn't say anything. Jaejoong said something to Yoochun and my limited knowlege in nihingo prevented me from understanding it. Yoochun turned to me and said in english, "Jaejoong said he feels sorry for spilling coffee on your jacket and he wanted to buy you a new one."

"No, really.. it's ok. You don't have to do that."

"Ya~ daijoubu." Jaejoong said

"No, it's fine. Please do't worry." But apparently Jaejoong have an amazing power of persuation for he made me agree again in the end.

We ate a very spicy ramen and it was so spicy that I even thought its not meant for humans but it seems like everyone likes it so much and even junsu who's not very good with spicy stuff doesn't find it spicy at all. But still it was delicious and I was so full after we finished eating.

During dinner everyone were talking and since I'm poor in japanese I can only understand a few of what they're saying. Yoochun will translate some of it for me though. It seems like they really missed each other and I'm happy to see them together like this.

After dinner everyone payed for their own meal except for mine which was payed by Jaejoong. We said goodbye to Junsu and Yoochun then Jaejoong took me to a department store. It was already in the middle of the night so there are less people shopping. Everyone was looking at Jaejoong and I feel awkward being with him but it seems like he's already used to it.

I decided to make it quick and chose whatever cheapest I can find but then suddenly Jaejoong was in the counter paying for a super expensive jacket and it was so pretty and he didn't even give me the chance to protest. Just what I expected from Jaejoong with an amazing fashion sense.

I told him where I'm staying and he took me home. I suddenly feel bad that it will probably be my last chance to see him so I have to force myself to say goodbye to him. I thanked him for the wonderful dinner and for the jacket. It seems like he wanted to say something but decided not to. He said goodnight then he waited for me to get inside the hotel before he drove off.

I find it hard to sleep that night. I've been staying up all night cursing jaejoong for his wonderful smile and pretty face that invades my thoughts every time I close my eyes. The sun was already rising when I finally able to sleep.

It was almost noon when I finally woke up. I took a quick shower but I'm not up for sight seeing today. I still couldn't get over the shock from meeting the three members of Tohoshinki yesterday. It seems like whatever I do today wouldn't be as interesting as yesterday. But thinking that I'll be going home tomorrow I thought I shouldn't waste any moment so I forced myself to get dressed and get something to eat. Besides I'm starving.

Just as I thought I had a boring day. I walk the streets of tokyo and thoughts about Jaejoong never leave my mind. I was actually half hoping I would bump with him again today. I saw a small booth selling takoyaki and I bought one. They also sell takoyaki in Manila but just as I thought this one taste way better than what i had back home. I saw the tokyo tower from a far and I decided to go see what tokyo looks like from the top.

The view from the top of the tokyo tower is really beautiful. I stayed there for an hour appreciating the view. Then  went to a nearby restaurant to eat dinner. It was already dark whe I finally got home.

A few hours later the hotel receptonist called me saying someone wants to see me. My heart started going crazy again. I managed to tell the receptionist that I'll be there in a minute. When I got down the lobby I saw Jaejoong wearing jeans and a white tank top under a stylish blazer. I think the best word to describe him at the moment is "gorgeous". Oh, well he's always been gorgeous so I think it's kinda stupid for me to state the obvious.

I wanted to ask him what in the world is he doing there making my heart beat so fast like its gonna explode but it's kinda rude so I decided to keep my mouth shut instead. Jaejoong was the first to broke the silence. "Konbanwa" he said

"K-konbanwa" I replied.

"Since I didn't get the chance to properly say goodbye last night I thought I should see you again tonight." now that he mentioned it he didn't really said goodbye last night. he only said "oyasumi" and then he drove away.

"Do you have time?" He asked.

"Ee?" I said still surprised. "Nande?"

"I wanted to take you for a walk. If that's ok with you."

"It's ok." I noticed something's troubling him and I wanted to know what it is. We went for a walk and I feel so cold not because of the weather but because I was too nervous. But I didn't want him to notice it so I tried to keep a conversation with him...

"Don't you even sleep, Jaejoong-san?"

"Eee? What do you mean?"

"You work hard during the day and now you're talking with a girl you barely even know in the middle of the night. Do you even get some sleep?"

I saw him smile but it didnt reach his eyes. "It's better than lying on my bed trying to sleep while thinking about things that makes me so frustrated."

He looks so hurt despite that smile that he's trying to show. I looked up the sky trying to avoid his eyes. "Woah! Kirei na~" He looked up as well. "The moon. It's so pretty isn't it?"

"Yes" When I looked back at him I noticed he's not looking at the moon but to me instead. I felt myself blush and I'm thankful it's dark or else I would have died with embarassment.

We reached the sumida river and we decided to rest for a while while sitting on the grass. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"About what?"

"The things that makes you so frustrated."

He sighed and I thought he's not going to answer me but after a while he said,
"I have two friends that I hadn't seen for quite a long time now. No, I guess we're not just friends. We're like a family. I'm not sure when it started but we just sort of... drifted apart..."

I know what he meant. I've been wondering if they still have the same relationship as before despite the law suit but after hearing those words Jaejoong has just confirmed the thing that scares me the most.

I wanted to ask him a lot of things like why aren't you seeing each other anymore and why can't they stay the same as before, why do their relationship have to be affected by one stupid law suit but all I could say was "Why?"

"Actually, I don't even know... everyone started doing different things and before I knew it everything started to change..."

I wanted to tell him so many things but I couldn't not just because my Japanese isn't good enough but also because he look so hurt right now that I'm afraid I might say things that could hurt him even more.

"Why don't you call them once in a while? That's why we have cellphones you know." I said trying to lighten the mood but it didn't do much.

"There are times when I think about calling them but then I hesitate thinking that there's really nothing to talk about. Or maybe I'm just scared they might start saying painful things that I'm not brave enough to hear yet."

I felt awkward because I didn't know what to say. thankfully jaejoong broke the silence. "Gomen ne~ I started saying things that doesn't make any sense." He was laughing a little bit but when I looked at his face he was wearing a pained look and I'm not sure if I just imagined it but I guess I saw a tear fell from his eyes. But I can't really tell because it was dark and I couldn't see clearly.

Everything he said made sense to me but to someone who doesn't know Tohoshinki it really doesn't make any sense. Anyway, I shooked my head and told him it was fine. I hate myself for not being able to make him feel better. But then I realized I couldn't have done anything since I was hurting as well.

"Ikimashou ka?" he asked after a while.

"Mmm." I agreed because although I still want to stay with him a little longer he still needed some rest and I should't prevent him from doing that. We walked back to the hotel together.

He's already inside the car when he said,"Can I... drop by again tommorrow?"

Tommorrow I'm going back home. I knew it will be a really short trip but I never thought it would be that fast... I know everything comes to an end but I can't stay anymore. I wanted to tell him it's impossible but before I could answer he said, "Jaa~ ashita ni matta ne~" then he closed the window and drove fast leaving me staring at him as he drove away.

He was long gone but I still couldn't make myself move from where I stand. I wasn't even able to say goodbye. No matter how much I wanted to see him I couldn't stay anymore. As I remember the moment I saw a tear fell from his eyes I noticed some tears also started falling from mine. Thankfully it's in the middle of the night and it's a little dark so no one would have noticed it.

If I had a difficulty sleeping the other night this time I wasn't able to sleep at all.
The sun started rising creating a puple line on the horizon. In other instances I would have thought it was beautiful but right now nothing occupies my mind besides the fact that I have to leave no matter how much I wanted to stay.

Since Jaejoong said last night that he's going to drop by today I thought it's not right to just disappear so suddenly so I decided to leave a note.

Jaejoong Oppa,

Gamsahamnida...

I can't describe how happy I am that I was finally able to meet you.

Please say hi to Yoochun oppa and Junsu oppa for me too.

Please be healthy. Don't work yourselves to death.

Although I always wanted to see you happy, if you want to cry don't restrain yourselves.

As long as you create music I'll continue to listen to them.

You told us to wait right? You said let's all wait together. so even if it takes forever I'll be waiting.

It will be ok, you'll see...

Joyce

Years have already passed since that encounter but even now I still find it hard to convince myself that it wasn't just a dream and that it really did happen. I'm not even sure if he was able to get the message I left him that day.

One day Jaejoong left a message in his cafe saying something like this...

I cooked jiggae for my four brothers. They said they missed my cooking.

Although we're busy doing different things right now we will forever be like a family.

Maybe someday we will again get a chance to create music together.

And that will be my biggest dream.

After reading this, I smiled and thought, all the years of waiting is definitely worth it.

~THE END~