It’s Sunday afternoon and being in that place had been a habit I never want to get rid of. Although it’s painful and frustrating being trapped in a past I can’t find the courage to let go of, past memories makes it impossible for me to move on so I have to live with it and be thankful for the little glint of happiness I’m living with at the moment.
The sound of the flowing water in the nearby stream, the smell of the autumn air, the fallen cherry blossom leaves which creates a pink carpet on the pavement floor, the little bench under the tall cherry blossom tree also coated with pink petals… Together they create beautiful scenery but to me they were also reminders of painful memories, frustrations, moments of waiting and hearts being broken.
I saw her sitting under the cherry blossom tree too engrossed in a book to notice me. I stayed where I was mesmerized by the scene in front of me. She looks so pretty with her yellow dress; the gentle wind ruffles her long black hair, and although she’s not wearing any make-up her cheeks is smeared with pinkish glow. She might have sensed me looking at her because she suddenly looked up from the book she was reading and smiled at me.
My work makes it almost impossible to be with her. It’s only during Sundays that we can really spend time together. When I got close enough I said, “Am I late?”
She stood up, grinned then said, “No. I’m just too early.” I took out a small box from my pocket took her hand then put the gift on top of her palm. She looked at me confused.
“Go on, open it.” I said. Slowly she pulled the cover up revealing a silver necklace with a pendant in a shape of a musical note. She gasped admiring the gift. “It’s pretty…” It made me so happy.
I took the necklace from her hands, spun her around gently then fastened it around her neck. I spun her around again so she was facing me and I could admire the way she looked. It was perfect just like the way I expected it to be.
“What’s the occasion?” She asked and I just smiled. “Nothing,” I lied. “I just wanted to give you something.” I find it hard to explain to her everything and even if I could she probably wouldn’t understand. Or maybe the hopeful part of me just wanted her to find it out for herself.
I took her hand and we walked together admiring the view of the park on a Sunday autumn afternoon.
“Do you still love her?” She asked after a while. The question surprised me and I stopped walking. “Huh?” That was all I was able to say.
“Your first love… You mentioned her on TV. Do you still love her?” I looked at her trying to meet her eyes but she was staring down at her feet and I instantly knew what she was thinking.
I smiled. “Jealous?” I like the way she blushes whenever I tease her. With her cheeks bright red, she looked up to me finally. “No! I-I… I’m just curious…” her voice faltered before she looked down again. I knew her long enough to know how much a bad liar she is.
I realized she was serious and she really wanted to know the truth so I stopped the teasing and sighed. “Yes. I still love her.” I felt her stiffen and her grip on my hand tightened. I don’t want my words to cause her pain but I don’t want to lie either. Why does she have to ask me that question?
Fresh memories came rushing through my mind as if they just happened not too long ago. I remember the times when everything was so beautiful like nothing could ever go wrong. How naïve I must have been thinking there are some things that could last forever.
I met my first love 10 years ago in that same place at that same time of the year. I was on my way home from school when I saw her sitting on a bench not too far away with her head bent. I looked around and noticed some kids my age playing by the stream. They were too busy to notice the girl sitting on the bench under the tall cherry blossom tree. I came closer and that was when I realized that she was crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She looked up and it was the first time I saw her two pools of beautiful teary eyes. “Nothing,” she replied then tried to wipe the tears that fell from her eyes. She stood up ready to leave but I grabbed her arm. I’m not sure what possessed me at that moment and I know I shouldn’t mind other people’s business but I couldn’t just let her go like that. So I held on her arm a little tighter than necessary but careful so as not to hurt her.
She stared back at me then stared at my hand that was keeping her from leaving. I let her go embarrassed by my own actions. “S-sorry.” I said.
She started to leave again setting off in the direction I was going before I saw her. “Wait!” I called out to her. “Are you going home? Let’s go together.”
“O-okay.” Somehow that single word made me so happy. I ran towards her and we walked home together. We were two strangers walking side by side and not a single word spoken between us.
When we reached her house she said goodbye to me. It was still a little awkward. “Wait, what’s your name?” I asked.
“Ee bbeun,” she said. A pretty name that fits a pretty face, I thought.
“Jaejun imnida,” I said introducing myself.
“Annyeong…” she smiled and I feel like melting. It was the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. The sight of her crying breaks my heart but her smile lights up my world. I didn’t know that what I felt at that time, the fast beating of my heart like it was breaking out of my rib cage, the shaking of my knees and the feeling of being glued to a spot unable to move. I didn’t know it was all because I’ve fallen in love.
The first meeting was followed by another one. But it wasn’t by accident that we met again. I knew where she lives so the next day I made sure I saw her again. I was waiting behind the cherry blossom tree standing proudly near their house the moment she waved goodbye to her mom and started walking towards the school. She didn’t notice me at all and I smiled as my heart started racing. “Ee bbeun!” I called out then ran so I can keep up with her.
She turned and when she saw me, her lips formed into a smile and my heart leaped from happiness. Funny how a simple smile from her affects my entire being. We walked towards the school side by side exchanging words not more than a simple hello. I’m unusually silent at that moment afraid that I might say the wrong words at the wrong time. She really has that kind of effect on me. Tongue-tied and nervous, I reached for her hand. I’m almost sure she would protest and pull her hands away so when she didn’t I was so relieved. We walked towards the school holding hands and without a care in the world.
I thought I was the luckiest boy in the whole wide world when she turned out to be my classmate. She was introduced by our teacher as the new girl from a faraway province of which I couldn’t remember the name because I was busy staring at her the whole time she was standing in the front of the whole class with her head bent and a shy smile on her lips. After the brief introduction the teacher made her sit beside me which happened to be the only seat available. I didn’t believe in fate until then.
We ate together during lunch and she made me taste her mom’s home-made lunch. I also gave her some of mine. “Sorry about yesterday.” I wasn’t quite sure about why she was saying sorry so I waited for her to continue. “Yesterday was supposed to be my first day at school but I was so nervous I ended up cutting class. I miss my friends at my previous school. That’s why I was crying. Sorry.”
I wanted to tell her there’s nothing to be sorry about but before I could speak a word she continued, “I think I’m beginning to like this school. Thanks for being my friend.” I couldn’t say anything once again.
I was never good with words, you might have noticed. Every time we were together I always find myself searching for the right words to say. There are a lot of words left unspoken but I just couldn’t find the courage to blurt them out. I only get as far as ‘annyeong’ and ‘how are you?’ when the things that I really wanted to tell her are ‘jowahae’ and ‘saranghae’. If she could just read my mind.
“Jaejunie…” she said. We were sitting at the same spot where we first met. After 5 years of being with her I still like the sound of my name on her lips. I was still lost with that thought when she continued, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”
Marry you, I thought. “I want to be a singer,” I told her instead which is also true. “How about you?” I asked her back.
She smiled. “I want to be your fan.”
Ever since then I started working harder so I can become someone she could be proud of. I started composing songs and she always insists that she should be the first one to listen to them. We would spend so much time on the music room after school and I would play the piano and sing for her.
It was perfect until suddenly everything went wrong and I have no idea how it happened. I wish I could turn back the time so I could somehow right the wrong things I’ve done just to realize I have no control over the things that happened that even if I could indeed go back the ending will just be the same. It was her own choice and it was fate that made her left.
I can still remember that time she said goodbye. The sky was dark and the wind sent chills down my spine. She didn’t seem to mind though for there were a lot of things going on in her mind and it wasn’t long before I found out what they were.
“I’m leaving,” she said.
“What?” I asked hoping I heard her wrong. She was acting strange the entire week and when she finally decided to explain, that was what I got.
“I… I’m leaving Korea. My dad lives in the states and my mom wants us to live with him.” For the years I’ve known her she never mentioned anything about her dad. I never asked because I noticed it was painful for her to talk about him. Now suddenly she was talking about leaving Korea… leaving me… so she can be with her father. And worse I know I would never stop her from leaving. I love her too much to force her to stay. And even if I did I doubt if she would.
Words left me again at that moment. I tried to open my mouth just to close it again, frustrated. There is nothing to say anyway. Although my mind is filled with questions I don’t have the courage to hear the answers so I kept my mouth shut instead.
She took a little box from her pocket and reached out her hands to give it to me. “I won’t make it on your birthday so I’m going to give this to you now.” I want to tell her “No. I don’t want it now. I want it on my birthday and I want you to be there to give it to me” but I realized it sounds so childish and I can see that saying goodbye is as hard for her as it is for me so I decided not to make it harder for both of us.
I started opening the gift but she stopped me. “Open it later,” she said and I obliged.
“When are you leaving?” I finally had the courage to ask.
She averted her eyes before answering. “The day after tomorrow…”
So soon, I thought. I wanted to get mad at her for not telling me sooner but it’s not that I can do something if I found out sooner and besides I could never get mad at her so all I did was sigh hard while letting all my frustrations, sadness, and bitterness go along with it.
“I heard US is not a very good place to live. Americans find our English funny and they…” She laughed at my failed attempt to change her mind. It’s not that I was expecting her to change her mind. I just want her to at least stay longer even just a little bit until I’m ready to finally let her go that is if it was even possible.
“Can’t you at least stay until my birthday? Just a few days wouldn’t hurt right?”
“I wish I could…” She said in a barely audible voice which made me realize she was fighting back tears. My eyes also stings from the tears I refuse to shed and my heart feels so heavy it was getting harder to be with her knowing she would be gone soon.
The rain which started as a drizzle went pouring heavily down on us. Droplets of water came pouring down on her face. I know it wasn’t rain. They were tears. I reached out to wipe those tears. Some started falling from my eyes as well. I was thankful it was raining and she didn’t notice. I can’t tell her not to cry when even I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I reached out for her, held her tight and she buried her face on my chest. I realized it was so ironic that she was crying when we first met and that she’s also crying now that we’re saying a goodbye which could possibly mean forever.
“Will you come back?” I asked her. I tightened my grip on her as if she would suddenly disappear if I loosened the hug even just a little bit.
“I… I don’t know.” She said. It’s not a “no, I won’t.” but just a plain full of hope “I don’t know”. I think I can live with that.
“Then I’ll wait,” I told her.
“But~” she couldn’t say anything else because I started kissing her knowing it would probably be the last.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Time really flies fast when you’re having fun but slows down when you’re waiting. The years I spent with her were the happiest years of my life and they seemed so short compared to my years of waiting which seemed like eternity.
“Jaejoong-ah… “ the voice of my girlfriend brought me back to the present. I realized she was still waiting for an answer on her question about my first love~ a topic I’m not willing to discuss with her just yet.
“I told you to call me Jaejun.”
“Fine, Jaejunie… But I still don’t understand why you want me to call you Jaejun when everyone else calls you Jaejoo- “ she probably noticed me staring at her so intently that she stopped.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” she asked worried and I fought the urge to laugh at how cute she is.
“No, it’s just that… you called me Jaejunie… I… ugh… never mind.” I said frustrated that I couldn’t find the right words to explain to her the feeling of déjà vu I was feeling at the moment.
She looked at me then pouted and I knew she probably wanted to kill me now unless I give her good reasons for my weird behavior. She turned to leave and I panicked. When I turned her around to face me again she couldn’t meet my eyes and I found out why. She was trying to hide the tears that were falling from her eyes.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked. She raised her hand to wipe her own tears but I stopped her and wiped it off myself. I hate to see her cry especially when I’m the reason for it.
“I know there are thousands of people who love you and I’m scared you would think of me as just a fan.”
“Of course I will never think that way. You’re not just a fan.” I know she was expecting for me to say, “You’re my girlfriend and I love you” so I decided to tease her a bit by saying, “You’re my biggest fan aren’t you?”
She caught my teasing voice and she smiled and started to relax. “Yes. I’m your biggest fan so don’t try to hide anything from me.”
I’m not trying to hide anything from her. She should have known everything even if I don’t tell her. If everything had just been different…
“How was she like?” She asked and I smiled. We’re back to “my first love” topic again.
“She’s stubborn, she cries easily and she’s very pretty…” I said and got a little carried away that I didn’t notice I’m beginning to hurt her feelings again though there’s no reason for her to feel that way at all. But she surprised me with her courage to know more.
“Go on…” she said and I did.
“Although she cries a lot she’s very brave and she’s never afraid of anything except spiders which really creeps her out. She’s…”
“Ok. That’s enough. I think that’s all I can handle…” She started walking faster and then the next instant she was far ahead of me. I stared at her retreating back for a while and sighed before following her. I’m getting tired of waiting and hoping everything would be the same as before.
“Ee beun!” I called out to her. She turned around, stopped then waited for me so we could walk side by side.
“Do you know something else?” I asked her when I got close to her. “We met here at this park and on my birthday she gave me a necklace with a pendant in a shape of a musical note.”
She put her hands on her ears. “Please… stop… I don’t wanna hear anymore,“ she begged but I couldn’t stop now. She has to know everything.
She has to remember everything.
“Her name is Eebeun and I love her so much and as she stands right here next to me I know I’m the luckiest guy in the world.” She dropped her hands on her sides, her eyes wide with surprise. I knew at that instant that everything started to sink in. I didn’t wait for her to say something. I closed the gap between us, cupped her face with my hands and kissed her and while holding her in my arms, I gave a silent desperate plea, “Please remember… Please…”
The sound of the flowing water in the nearby stream, the smell of the autumn air, the fallen cherry blossom leaves which creates a pink carpet on the pavement floor, the little bench under the tall cherry blossom tree also coated with pink petals… Together they create beautiful scenery but to me they were also reminders of painful memories, frustrations, moments of waiting and hearts being broken.
I saw her sitting under the cherry blossom tree too engrossed in a book to notice me. I stayed where I was mesmerized by the scene in front of me. She looks so pretty with her yellow dress; the gentle wind ruffles her long black hair, and although she’s not wearing any make-up her cheeks is smeared with pinkish glow. She might have sensed me looking at her because she suddenly looked up from the book she was reading and smiled at me.
My work makes it almost impossible to be with her. It’s only during Sundays that we can really spend time together. When I got close enough I said, “Am I late?”
She stood up, grinned then said, “No. I’m just too early.” I took out a small box from my pocket took her hand then put the gift on top of her palm. She looked at me confused.
“Go on, open it.” I said. Slowly she pulled the cover up revealing a silver necklace with a pendant in a shape of a musical note. She gasped admiring the gift. “It’s pretty…” It made me so happy.
I took the necklace from her hands, spun her around gently then fastened it around her neck. I spun her around again so she was facing me and I could admire the way she looked. It was perfect just like the way I expected it to be.
“What’s the occasion?” She asked and I just smiled. “Nothing,” I lied. “I just wanted to give you something.” I find it hard to explain to her everything and even if I could she probably wouldn’t understand. Or maybe the hopeful part of me just wanted her to find it out for herself.
I took her hand and we walked together admiring the view of the park on a Sunday autumn afternoon.
“Do you still love her?” She asked after a while. The question surprised me and I stopped walking. “Huh?” That was all I was able to say.
“Your first love… You mentioned her on TV. Do you still love her?” I looked at her trying to meet her eyes but she was staring down at her feet and I instantly knew what she was thinking.
I smiled. “Jealous?” I like the way she blushes whenever I tease her. With her cheeks bright red, she looked up to me finally. “No! I-I… I’m just curious…” her voice faltered before she looked down again. I knew her long enough to know how much a bad liar she is.
I realized she was serious and she really wanted to know the truth so I stopped the teasing and sighed. “Yes. I still love her.” I felt her stiffen and her grip on my hand tightened. I don’t want my words to cause her pain but I don’t want to lie either. Why does she have to ask me that question?
Fresh memories came rushing through my mind as if they just happened not too long ago. I remember the times when everything was so beautiful like nothing could ever go wrong. How naïve I must have been thinking there are some things that could last forever.
I met my first love 10 years ago in that same place at that same time of the year. I was on my way home from school when I saw her sitting on a bench not too far away with her head bent. I looked around and noticed some kids my age playing by the stream. They were too busy to notice the girl sitting on the bench under the tall cherry blossom tree. I came closer and that was when I realized that she was crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She looked up and it was the first time I saw her two pools of beautiful teary eyes. “Nothing,” she replied then tried to wipe the tears that fell from her eyes. She stood up ready to leave but I grabbed her arm. I’m not sure what possessed me at that moment and I know I shouldn’t mind other people’s business but I couldn’t just let her go like that. So I held on her arm a little tighter than necessary but careful so as not to hurt her.
She stared back at me then stared at my hand that was keeping her from leaving. I let her go embarrassed by my own actions. “S-sorry.” I said.
She started to leave again setting off in the direction I was going before I saw her. “Wait!” I called out to her. “Are you going home? Let’s go together.”
“O-okay.” Somehow that single word made me so happy. I ran towards her and we walked home together. We were two strangers walking side by side and not a single word spoken between us.
When we reached her house she said goodbye to me. It was still a little awkward. “Wait, what’s your name?” I asked.
“Ee bbeun,” she said. A pretty name that fits a pretty face, I thought.
“Jaejun imnida,” I said introducing myself.
“Annyeong…” she smiled and I feel like melting. It was the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. The sight of her crying breaks my heart but her smile lights up my world. I didn’t know that what I felt at that time, the fast beating of my heart like it was breaking out of my rib cage, the shaking of my knees and the feeling of being glued to a spot unable to move. I didn’t know it was all because I’ve fallen in love.
The first meeting was followed by another one. But it wasn’t by accident that we met again. I knew where she lives so the next day I made sure I saw her again. I was waiting behind the cherry blossom tree standing proudly near their house the moment she waved goodbye to her mom and started walking towards the school. She didn’t notice me at all and I smiled as my heart started racing. “Ee bbeun!” I called out then ran so I can keep up with her.
She turned and when she saw me, her lips formed into a smile and my heart leaped from happiness. Funny how a simple smile from her affects my entire being. We walked towards the school side by side exchanging words not more than a simple hello. I’m unusually silent at that moment afraid that I might say the wrong words at the wrong time. She really has that kind of effect on me. Tongue-tied and nervous, I reached for her hand. I’m almost sure she would protest and pull her hands away so when she didn’t I was so relieved. We walked towards the school holding hands and without a care in the world.
I thought I was the luckiest boy in the whole wide world when she turned out to be my classmate. She was introduced by our teacher as the new girl from a faraway province of which I couldn’t remember the name because I was busy staring at her the whole time she was standing in the front of the whole class with her head bent and a shy smile on her lips. After the brief introduction the teacher made her sit beside me which happened to be the only seat available. I didn’t believe in fate until then.
We ate together during lunch and she made me taste her mom’s home-made lunch. I also gave her some of mine. “Sorry about yesterday.” I wasn’t quite sure about why she was saying sorry so I waited for her to continue. “Yesterday was supposed to be my first day at school but I was so nervous I ended up cutting class. I miss my friends at my previous school. That’s why I was crying. Sorry.”
I wanted to tell her there’s nothing to be sorry about but before I could speak a word she continued, “I think I’m beginning to like this school. Thanks for being my friend.” I couldn’t say anything once again.
I was never good with words, you might have noticed. Every time we were together I always find myself searching for the right words to say. There are a lot of words left unspoken but I just couldn’t find the courage to blurt them out. I only get as far as ‘annyeong’ and ‘how are you?’ when the things that I really wanted to tell her are ‘jowahae’ and ‘saranghae’. If she could just read my mind.
“Jaejunie…” she said. We were sitting at the same spot where we first met. After 5 years of being with her I still like the sound of my name on her lips. I was still lost with that thought when she continued, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”
Marry you, I thought. “I want to be a singer,” I told her instead which is also true. “How about you?” I asked her back.
She smiled. “I want to be your fan.”
Ever since then I started working harder so I can become someone she could be proud of. I started composing songs and she always insists that she should be the first one to listen to them. We would spend so much time on the music room after school and I would play the piano and sing for her.
It was perfect until suddenly everything went wrong and I have no idea how it happened. I wish I could turn back the time so I could somehow right the wrong things I’ve done just to realize I have no control over the things that happened that even if I could indeed go back the ending will just be the same. It was her own choice and it was fate that made her left.
I can still remember that time she said goodbye. The sky was dark and the wind sent chills down my spine. She didn’t seem to mind though for there were a lot of things going on in her mind and it wasn’t long before I found out what they were.
“I’m leaving,” she said.
“What?” I asked hoping I heard her wrong. She was acting strange the entire week and when she finally decided to explain, that was what I got.
“I… I’m leaving Korea. My dad lives in the states and my mom wants us to live with him.” For the years I’ve known her she never mentioned anything about her dad. I never asked because I noticed it was painful for her to talk about him. Now suddenly she was talking about leaving Korea… leaving me… so she can be with her father. And worse I know I would never stop her from leaving. I love her too much to force her to stay. And even if I did I doubt if she would.
Words left me again at that moment. I tried to open my mouth just to close it again, frustrated. There is nothing to say anyway. Although my mind is filled with questions I don’t have the courage to hear the answers so I kept my mouth shut instead.
She took a little box from her pocket and reached out her hands to give it to me. “I won’t make it on your birthday so I’m going to give this to you now.” I want to tell her “No. I don’t want it now. I want it on my birthday and I want you to be there to give it to me” but I realized it sounds so childish and I can see that saying goodbye is as hard for her as it is for me so I decided not to make it harder for both of us.
I started opening the gift but she stopped me. “Open it later,” she said and I obliged.
“When are you leaving?” I finally had the courage to ask.
She averted her eyes before answering. “The day after tomorrow…”
So soon, I thought. I wanted to get mad at her for not telling me sooner but it’s not that I can do something if I found out sooner and besides I could never get mad at her so all I did was sigh hard while letting all my frustrations, sadness, and bitterness go along with it.
“I heard US is not a very good place to live. Americans find our English funny and they…” She laughed at my failed attempt to change her mind. It’s not that I was expecting her to change her mind. I just want her to at least stay longer even just a little bit until I’m ready to finally let her go that is if it was even possible.
“Can’t you at least stay until my birthday? Just a few days wouldn’t hurt right?”
“I wish I could…” She said in a barely audible voice which made me realize she was fighting back tears. My eyes also stings from the tears I refuse to shed and my heart feels so heavy it was getting harder to be with her knowing she would be gone soon.
The rain which started as a drizzle went pouring heavily down on us. Droplets of water came pouring down on her face. I know it wasn’t rain. They were tears. I reached out to wipe those tears. Some started falling from my eyes as well. I was thankful it was raining and she didn’t notice. I can’t tell her not to cry when even I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I reached out for her, held her tight and she buried her face on my chest. I realized it was so ironic that she was crying when we first met and that she’s also crying now that we’re saying a goodbye which could possibly mean forever.
“Will you come back?” I asked her. I tightened my grip on her as if she would suddenly disappear if I loosened the hug even just a little bit.
“I… I don’t know.” She said. It’s not a “no, I won’t.” but just a plain full of hope “I don’t know”. I think I can live with that.
“Then I’ll wait,” I told her.
“But~” she couldn’t say anything else because I started kissing her knowing it would probably be the last.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Time really flies fast when you’re having fun but slows down when you’re waiting. The years I spent with her were the happiest years of my life and they seemed so short compared to my years of waiting which seemed like eternity.
“Jaejoong-ah… “ the voice of my girlfriend brought me back to the present. I realized she was still waiting for an answer on her question about my first love~ a topic I’m not willing to discuss with her just yet.
“I told you to call me Jaejun.”
“Fine, Jaejunie… But I still don’t understand why you want me to call you Jaejun when everyone else calls you Jaejoo- “ she probably noticed me staring at her so intently that she stopped.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” she asked worried and I fought the urge to laugh at how cute she is.
“No, it’s just that… you called me Jaejunie… I… ugh… never mind.” I said frustrated that I couldn’t find the right words to explain to her the feeling of déjà vu I was feeling at the moment.
She looked at me then pouted and I knew she probably wanted to kill me now unless I give her good reasons for my weird behavior. She turned to leave and I panicked. When I turned her around to face me again she couldn’t meet my eyes and I found out why. She was trying to hide the tears that were falling from her eyes.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked. She raised her hand to wipe her own tears but I stopped her and wiped it off myself. I hate to see her cry especially when I’m the reason for it.
“I know there are thousands of people who love you and I’m scared you would think of me as just a fan.”
“Of course I will never think that way. You’re not just a fan.” I know she was expecting for me to say, “You’re my girlfriend and I love you” so I decided to tease her a bit by saying, “You’re my biggest fan aren’t you?”
She caught my teasing voice and she smiled and started to relax. “Yes. I’m your biggest fan so don’t try to hide anything from me.”
I’m not trying to hide anything from her. She should have known everything even if I don’t tell her. If everything had just been different…
“How was she like?” She asked and I smiled. We’re back to “my first love” topic again.
“She’s stubborn, she cries easily and she’s very pretty…” I said and got a little carried away that I didn’t notice I’m beginning to hurt her feelings again though there’s no reason for her to feel that way at all. But she surprised me with her courage to know more.
“Go on…” she said and I did.
“Although she cries a lot she’s very brave and she’s never afraid of anything except spiders which really creeps her out. She’s…”
“Ok. That’s enough. I think that’s all I can handle…” She started walking faster and then the next instant she was far ahead of me. I stared at her retreating back for a while and sighed before following her. I’m getting tired of waiting and hoping everything would be the same as before.
“Ee beun!” I called out to her. She turned around, stopped then waited for me so we could walk side by side.
“Do you know something else?” I asked her when I got close to her. “We met here at this park and on my birthday she gave me a necklace with a pendant in a shape of a musical note.”
She put her hands on her ears. “Please… stop… I don’t wanna hear anymore,“ she begged but I couldn’t stop now. She has to know everything.
She has to remember everything.
“Her name is Eebeun and I love her so much and as she stands right here next to me I know I’m the luckiest guy in the world.” She dropped her hands on her sides, her eyes wide with surprise. I knew at that instant that everything started to sink in. I didn’t wait for her to say something. I closed the gap between us, cupped her face with my hands and kissed her and while holding her in my arms, I gave a silent desperate plea, “Please remember… Please…”
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