사랑아 울지마 (Don't Cry, My Lover)

Am I finally alright now? This is what they ask me,

난 정말 괜찮은 건지 나 보러 괜찮냐며 물어보는 사람마저

I look so pained, my tears seep through my two hands.

내가 슬퍼 보이나 봐 하긴 나 눈물로 두 손이 범벅이잖아

Everyday I tried to live my life just like how I used to. Every morning I put on a smile wishing it would be the day I’ll be able to see her again but just to realize in the end that she’s not coming back. Am I finally alright now? They ask me the same question every time and all I can do is fake a smile, lie and say yes.  I was lying to every one and to myself. I can never be alright. How can I be alright when she’s not by my side?

When the tears that blind my eyes fall, I can see you clearly

나를 위해 또 흘러 내리는 빗물이 내 눈 위에서 번져 널 가려줄 텐데

Days pass by and I don’t even care. I’m living in a past that doesn’t exist anymore. It feels like the world is moving so fast… too fast for me to keep up. I’m stuck in a past where she was still beside me, smiling only for me. I can see her clearly as if she’s not a mere memory I keep inside my head.

My love, don't cry. I don't know if I should take you away with me.

사랑아 울지마 널 데려갈지 몰라

You still hold on to so many memories.

아직도 넌 남은 기억마저 잡고 있던거야

We were both crying the day we said our goodbyes. The sky which seems to feel the same pain we were feeling cried with us too. I told her not to cry because that’s the last thing I wanted her to do. I want her to be happy. That’s exactly why I let her go in the first place. Somehow I was a little thankful for the rain. The droplets of rain on my face made me able to hide the few teardrops that fell from my eyes.

I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so. I should give up, but I can't let you go.

잠시 눈을 감아 널 사랑할까봐 놓아야 될 너의 손을 놓지 못 할까봐

I don’t know where I got the courage to let her go. If I knew it was this painful I wouldn’t have done so… No… I guess I would have done the same thing. I still love her and I doubt if it will ever change. I have to get used to this pain because I know it will never fade. Not until I stopped loving her which I know will never happen.

You taught me how to love. Now, how can I forget you?

내게로 사랑하는 법을 가르쳐 준 너 어떻게 잊어야 해 지금의 내 모습

There are some things that even though I know they're best forgotten I still hold on to them no matter how painful it is. Because although forgetting means getting rid of the pain, all the happy memories will go along with it and I just couldn’t let that happen.

Again, I'm drunk today. I call you but you don't pick up. Again, I cry.

오늘 또 술에 취해 네게 전활 걸어 역시 넌 받지 않아 또 울잖아

I stared at the phone in my hand trying to fight the urge to call her. It was during these times when the pain was so unbearable that I call. I wanted to see her so badly but I guess her voice would be enough to cure this loneliness that was seeping down through my veins. She never picks up, of course. Then I let the glass of wine numb my senses until I could no longer feel the pain that was eating me inside. I drove her away and yet here I am drinking all my bitterness away.

What did we say? Still those tedious words. I can't even say the words 'I'm sorry'.

무슨 말을 했는지 헛된 소릴 한지 ‘미안해’란 말 조차 못하는 나

I was never good with words. I wanted to say I love her but all that came out of my mouth was “I’m sorry.” I was sorry I caused her pain. I was sorry I gave her something she didn’t want from the start. I was sorry I had to hold on for so long when she wanted to break free. There are so many unspoken words which are best left unspoken. Because if I told her the words that were trying to break free from my mouth then saying “goodbye” would be harder for both of us and I wasn’t planning on making it more difficult than it already is. So I have to keep it to myself even if my heart seems like it was going to burst out of my ribcage just because I couldn’t say I love her.

What I have become, I cannot grasp the dream that is now distant.

아직도 내게서 도망가려니 잡을 수 없는 꿈을 쫓듯이 더 멀어져가

Sometimes fate is just so cruel. There were things which are just not meant to be. And when I finally realized it I gave up fighting because I knew it will be just futile to do so. Break ups... Unfulfilled dreams... I just can't help but cry. No matter how hard I try to reach for her… her smile… her voice… everything is just a fading memory… a dream that’s getting further and further away from me…

The love that you have been waiting for, I cannot have.

너에게 어떤 사랑이 와도 기다릴텐데 편히 내가 없다 생각해

The promise that we made, to shed our tears together...I can see them now

네게 했던 우리 약속과 함께 하자던 눈물을 이제 보여 줄 수 있어

The moment she said her goodbye my tears just wouldn’t stop. Her words were like daggers piercing through my heart shattering it into pieces. I wanted her to be beside me forever and I selfishly wished for time to stay still so we can stay together forever. I reached out my hand to hold her face but I hesitated. She seems so near but I knew better than that. I knew she will be forever out of my reach. She was crying too. I have no right to tell her not to cry when I couldn’t even make myself stop. We were both crying but it was due to different reasons. Now I understand. It was a love that was never meant to last.