사랑아 울지마 (Don't Cry, My Lover)

Am I finally alright now? This is what they ask me,

난 정말 괜찮은 건지 나 보러 괜찮냐며 물어보는 사람마저

I look so pained, my tears seep through my two hands.

내가 슬퍼 보이나 봐 하긴 나 눈물로 두 손이 범벅이잖아

Everyday I tried to live my life just like how I used to. Every morning I put on a smile wishing it would be the day I’ll be able to see her again but just to realize in the end that she’s not coming back. Am I finally alright now? They ask me the same question every time and all I can do is fake a smile, lie and say yes.  I was lying to every one and to myself. I can never be alright. How can I be alright when she’s not by my side?

When the tears that blind my eyes fall, I can see you clearly

나를 위해 또 흘러 내리는 빗물이 내 눈 위에서 번져 널 가려줄 텐데

Days pass by and I don’t even care. I’m living in a past that doesn’t exist anymore. It feels like the world is moving so fast… too fast for me to keep up. I’m stuck in a past where she was still beside me, smiling only for me. I can see her clearly as if she’s not a mere memory I keep inside my head.

My love, don't cry. I don't know if I should take you away with me.

사랑아 울지마 널 데려갈지 몰라

You still hold on to so many memories.

아직도 넌 남은 기억마저 잡고 있던거야

We were both crying the day we said our goodbyes. The sky which seems to feel the same pain we were feeling cried with us too. I told her not to cry because that’s the last thing I wanted her to do. I want her to be happy. That’s exactly why I let her go in the first place. Somehow I was a little thankful for the rain. The droplets of rain on my face made me able to hide the few teardrops that fell from my eyes.

I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so. I should give up, but I can't let you go.

잠시 눈을 감아 널 사랑할까봐 놓아야 될 너의 손을 놓지 못 할까봐

I don’t know where I got the courage to let her go. If I knew it was this painful I wouldn’t have done so… No… I guess I would have done the same thing. I still love her and I doubt if it will ever change. I have to get used to this pain because I know it will never fade. Not until I stopped loving her which I know will never happen.

You taught me how to love. Now, how can I forget you?

내게로 사랑하는 법을 가르쳐 준 너 어떻게 잊어야 해 지금의 내 모습

There are some things that even though I know they're best forgotten I still hold on to them no matter how painful it is. Because although forgetting means getting rid of the pain, all the happy memories will go along with it and I just couldn’t let that happen.

Again, I'm drunk today. I call you but you don't pick up. Again, I cry.

오늘 또 술에 취해 네게 전활 걸어 역시 넌 받지 않아 또 울잖아

I stared at the phone in my hand trying to fight the urge to call her. It was during these times when the pain was so unbearable that I call. I wanted to see her so badly but I guess her voice would be enough to cure this loneliness that was seeping down through my veins. She never picks up, of course. Then I let the glass of wine numb my senses until I could no longer feel the pain that was eating me inside. I drove her away and yet here I am drinking all my bitterness away.

What did we say? Still those tedious words. I can't even say the words 'I'm sorry'.

무슨 말을 했는지 헛된 소릴 한지 ‘미안해’란 말 조차 못하는 나

I was never good with words. I wanted to say I love her but all that came out of my mouth was “I’m sorry.” I was sorry I caused her pain. I was sorry I gave her something she didn’t want from the start. I was sorry I had to hold on for so long when she wanted to break free. There are so many unspoken words which are best left unspoken. Because if I told her the words that were trying to break free from my mouth then saying “goodbye” would be harder for both of us and I wasn’t planning on making it more difficult than it already is. So I have to keep it to myself even if my heart seems like it was going to burst out of my ribcage just because I couldn’t say I love her.

What I have become, I cannot grasp the dream that is now distant.

아직도 내게서 도망가려니 잡을 수 없는 꿈을 쫓듯이 더 멀어져가

Sometimes fate is just so cruel. There were things which are just not meant to be. And when I finally realized it I gave up fighting because I knew it will be just futile to do so. Break ups... Unfulfilled dreams... I just can't help but cry. No matter how hard I try to reach for her… her smile… her voice… everything is just a fading memory… a dream that’s getting further and further away from me…

The love that you have been waiting for, I cannot have.

너에게 어떤 사랑이 와도 기다릴텐데 편히 내가 없다 생각해

The promise that we made, to shed our tears together...I can see them now

네게 했던 우리 약속과 함께 하자던 눈물을 이제 보여 줄 수 있어

The moment she said her goodbye my tears just wouldn’t stop. Her words were like daggers piercing through my heart shattering it into pieces. I wanted her to be beside me forever and I selfishly wished for time to stay still so we can stay together forever. I reached out my hand to hold her face but I hesitated. She seems so near but I knew better than that. I knew she will be forever out of my reach. She was crying too. I have no right to tell her not to cry when I couldn’t even make myself stop. We were both crying but it was due to different reasons. Now I understand. It was a love that was never meant to last.

You're My Melody Chapter 2: The Lost Phone

Jaejoong stopped playing the moment she entered. Her face is unfamiliar so he assumed she's one of the new trainees. She's very pretty, he thought.

"Please go on..." she said. He smiled and noticed how she tried to avoid his eyes. He continued playing the piano with no particular piece in mind. He just let his fingers glide along the keys.

When he finished he heard her say, "It's wonderful." When he looked up he saw the sincerity in those words.

"Thank you." he replied. "Do you play?"

She shook her head. She could have simply said “No, I don’t play“ but instead she said "No, I never get the chance." Even she herself was surprised with her own honesty.

"Why don’t you try it now?" he said showing his wonderful smile that could melt anyone’s heart.

She looked surprised probably because she didn't expect the question. "N-no.. I'd better not."

He looked at his watch then cursed. "Oh uh.. I have to go..." He stood up ready to leave then hesitated. "What's your name?" he asked her right before he left.

"S-seohyun..."

"I'm Jaejoong. It's nice meeting you... See you around, Seohyun-sshi" then he was gone leaving Seohyun staring at the door for a while.

She moved towards the piano although she has no plan of playing it. The melody she heard a while ago still lingers in her mind. It was so beautiful that she was so captivated by the sound of it. She was about to sit on the chair where Jaejoong was sitting a while ago when she noticed a phone sitting on top of it. It didn't take a while before she realized it was Jaejoong's.

------

Jaejoong left the music room in a hurry. They were practicing some dance routine for their upcoming 4th album. They were having a short break when he decided to go to the music room and play the piano. He was in the mood for making a new song so he left without bothering to tell anyone where he’s going. When he came back every one were just about to leave...

"Jaejoongie where the heck have you been?" Dong Bang Shin Ki leader U-know Yunho asked him. He's obviously angry.

"Mianhae…" He apologized. "I went to the music room and lost track of time."

"Never mind… Practice is over." then he said to everyone, "Let's go! We have a plane to catch..."

Jaejoong sighed. A flight right after a practice… If he doesn’t like his job he wouldn’t have lasted this long in the music industry. But the thing is he loves his job and it makes him so happy knowing that he was able to touch people’s hearts with his music. Every time he’s on stage singing he knows that his hard work is all worth it. He also knows that the other members also feel the same way.

------------

After a few weeks of album promotions in Korea the five members of Dong Bang Shin Ki are going back to Japan to prepare for their Tokyo Dome Concert.

They were on their way to Incheon Airport when Jaejoong noticed he doesn't have his phone with him.

"What's wrong Jaejoong hyung?" Changmin asked when he noticed Jaejoong desperately looking for something in his bag.

"Have you guys seen my phone?" Jaejoong asked.

“No, hyung. Why?” Changmin asked

"If you need to call someone you can use mine." Yoochun offered.

"Forget it hyung. We don’t have time to look for it." Junsu said wondering why Jaejoong seemed so concerned about his lost phone when he could just easily buy a new one.

Jaejoong stared at the other four members with a sorry-please-forgive-me look on his face. They didn’t understand it and they wish Jaejoong would explain what’s going on. They only knew they need to worry when Jaejoong suddenly said, "Guys, please don't kill me..."

"And why would we want to do that?" Yunho asked.

"Because that lost phone is where I keep your pictures that you definitely doesn't want to go public..." Jaejoong averted his eyes and acted as if he’s still searching for his phone on his bag though everyone knew it was useless. He knew the other members are staring at him with fury in their eyes and he doesn’t want to see it.

------

Seohyun went to inspect the phone making sure it was Jaejoong's before she decides what to do with it. She was looking through the pictures when she realized she's not supposed to look at them. One picture shows Jaejoong with a rubber band around his pouted mouth. With the rubber band looking like a mustache and micky yoochun, another member of TVXQ behind him, they looked like a real dork. She thinks they’re cute though and she found herself smiling. Another picture shows jeajoong probably in the bathroom with his hair covered in foamy shampoo. Some pictures to her shock were really scandalous that she almost yelped. Red-faced and embarrassed, she turned the phone off.

Thinking Jaejoong would probably come back if he realized his phone was missing, Seohyun waited in the music room for hours. She played the piano trying to recall the melody she heard jajeoong play moments ago. She got frustrated with herself when all she could manage to produce are jumbled notes not even worthy to be called music.

When Seohyun realized Jaejoong isn’t coming back she went looking for him. She searched the whole building but she couldn't find him anywhere. Once he realized his phone is missing he would probably call his phone. Then she suddenly remembered she turned it off. She cursed herself for her stupidity.

She turned the phone on and dialed 1. A picture of the Dong Bang Shin Ki leader, U-know Yunho flashed on the screen. She half expected it would be his girlfriend on his speed dial. Oh well, her father doesn’t allow his talents to be in a romantic relationship. The line didn’t connect. She heard a voice saying the person she’s trying to call is out of coverage area. She tried to call the other 3 members but she got the same response. She noticed the members were named, ‘my yunho’, ‘my yoochun’, ‘my junsu’, and ‘my changmin’. What a weird way of naming people, she thought.

Incheon Airport

Seoul, South Korea

The five members of Dong bang Shin Ki are in a panic just because of a lost phone.

"Yunho hyung, are you sure it's not in your bag?" Changmin asked knowing their leader has a habit of accidentally taking things that doesn't belong to him and constantly losing his own stuff.

"I didn't take it, Changmin. I wish I did so we wouldn’t have to be this worried."

"How can you be so careless hyung?" Junsu complained.

"I said I'm sorry already. It's not like I wanted it to happen."  Jaejoong already feels bad and the other members make him feel even worse.

"If you just didn't take those embarrassing pictures we have nothing to worry now." Yunho said.

Jaejoong wanted to say that he never regrets taking those pictures but he realized it's not a good thing to say to his furious members so he decided it is best to just keep his mouth shut. He's guilty as hell and he hates himself for being so stupid.

"Try calling your phone hyung... maybe it got mixed up with your other stuff." Changmin said.

"I already did. It's not ringing. The battery might have died out." Jaejoong replied.

Yoochun is brave enough to mention the worst case scenario "…or someone might have found it already and turned it off."

"I don't think we have time to look for it now... Let's just hope whoever finds it returns it without looking at the pictures." Yunho said.

"Arasso..." Everyone agreed. They're still worried but Yunho is right. It's almost time for their flight.

-------

Seohyun went to his father's secretary's office hoping he knows how to find Jaejoong.

Her father's secretary is a woman in her twenties who in Seohyun’s opinion doesn’t know how to smile. Seohyun thinks she fits perfectly well in her father’s office.

"Miss Seohyun, what can I do for you?" she looked  surprised to see Seohyun back so suddenly. She probably thought Seohyun already left.

"Do you happen to know Youngwoong Jaejoong's schedule today? I want to return something he left in the music room."

"No, miss, but I'll try calling Dong Bang Shin Ki's manager."

Seohyun waited for her to finish the call. When she’s done she said, "Dong Bang Shin Ki is on their way to Tokyo right now. Their manager stayed behind because he had some urgent matters to attend to but he’s taking the next flight. I don't think you'll be able to catch him on the airport. What is it that you need to return to kim jaejoong? I can take care of it if you want."

Seohyun thought about the scandalous pictures she found on the phone and decided not to let anyone see it.

"N-no.. I want to give it to him personally. Thanks anyway." then she left.

---------

Seohyun was on her way back home. While on the car she thought of the best way to give the phone back to Jaejoong. The secretary said they’re currently on the plane going to Tokyo.

Then best option for her is to wait for Jaejoong to come back to Korea then return it to him by then. But then when will they come back? As far as she knows the last time they went to Japan it took them more than a year to come back. She's not planning to keep something that makes her blush just by looking at it. Sending it to Japan is out of the question. She can't risk the possibility of someone seeing it before it reach Jaejoong. Going after them is pure stupidity. Who would spend a plane ticket and do all the trouble to go to Japan just to return a lost phone? Not to mention her father would be really mad at her.

However, she wondered what Japan would be like. It seems exciting to be in a different country speaking different language. It's seems a lot of fun. She wondered when was the last time she had fun and realized the reality that her life was never been fun. Going to Japan seems so appealing... She knew her father wouldn't like it if she left so suddenly without a word. But that's what makes it more exciting. All her life she always try to do the right thing because she wanted to please her dad but not once did he ever noticed her efforts. He only seems to notice her when she do something wrong. Then he would scold her as if she did a very terrible mistake. Only when her father is angry she believes that somehow he still cared.

When she reached home she already made a decision. She went to her room to pack her things. Normally she would ask the maids to do the packing but today nothing is normal. For the first time in her life she would do something that would surely make her father angry up to the point that he would probably consider disowning her. The maids will surely talk her out of it if they found out what she was planning to do. She can't let anyone know. She sneaked and successfully left the house without getting caught. She hailed a taxi and asked the driver to take her to Incheon Airport.

Money isn't a problem since her father gave her lots of those. She's not interested in buying anything in particular though. The only time she wanted something so badly was when she asked her father permission to buy a piano which he refused.

Now the problem is how she's going to find those Dong Bang Shin Ki members when she has no idea where they live in Japan. Her father's secretary might know if she asked. She dialed his number and called.

"Miss Seohyun?"

"Do you know where Dong Bang Shin Ki is staying in Japan?" she asked. "Remember the thing Jaejoong-sshi left in SME? I think it's really important so I'm planning to send it to him instead." She explained hoping the secretary wouldn't find it odd and decide to report to her father.

"Are you sure you don't want me to do that for you?"

"Yes. It's ok. So… can you give me their address?" she asked.

"Just a moment." She hung up, called her back after a while then gave her the address. Seohyun said thanks then she hung up.

When she reached the airport she booked a ticket right away. It’s only a few minutes left before her flight. She’s scared since it’s the first time she’s leaving Korea. But a part of her is also excited by the thought of it. It’s the first time in her 16 years of existence that she actually felt free.

Happy Birthday Seohyun, she told herself. With a smirk on her face, she raced through the boarding gates. She’s determined to make this birthday a special one.

You're My Melody Chapter 1: On Her Birthday

Seohyun was in the car staring at the window looking at nothing in particular. Her mind was on something else. She was nervous because it’s not every day that she gets to see his father. And yet that’s exactly what she’s planning to do.

"Miss Seohyun, are you sure you want to visit your father today?" her driver said with a bit of concern apparent in his voice.

"Yes, I'm sure." It's been six years since she last visited her father's office. She can't blame her driver for being worried. He might have remembered the incident 6 years ago when the driver picked her up at SME building after her visit to her father. She had been so quiet that day. She went to his father’s office full of spirit but when she left she was like an empty shell void of any expression. For a young little girl looking like that and knowing the reason for it the driver couldn't do anything but feel sorry. He wished she would just cry but the little girl never cried believing her father would hate her even more if she showed him some weakness.

Some people are just lucky to be born in a very rich family. Seohyun is just one of them. She was raised in a life where everything she could ever want could be easily given to her. She has almost everything. Well, almost... Because she lacks the most important thing that a person should have... LOVE

Her father is the president of the biggest entertainment company in Korea, SM Entertainment. Other people might think she's so lucky to be the daughter of President Lee Soo Man but for Seohyun it was very unfortunate. Her mom died right after she was born and her father rarely comes home because he spends more time either in his office or abroad.

Ever since she was a child she learned not to expect so much because every time she did all those expectations get shattered in an instant leaving her broken and crying. During Christmas she would dream about her father arriving home with presents in his hand. Every year she would patiently wait in her room staring at the window hoping to see her father's car approaching but it never happens. Then she would wait beside the phone waiting for her father's call which never comes. The maids will prepare dinner for two because she always insists that her father will come home although all of them knew it was pointless.

Her father never cared.

Her birthdays don’t have much difference. During her 10th birthday she asked the driver to bring her to her father's office. Her father never likes it when she comes to visit but she didn't care. It was her birthday and she missed him so much. She stubbornly entered her father's office and found her dad absorbed with work. If he knew it was her birthday that day, she couldn't tell.

Assuming he did knew she asked him excitedly, "Dad, did you buy me presents?" The old man didn't even spare her a glance. All she got was a cold stare followed by a cold voice saying, "Is your allowance not enough? Ask my secretary for money then go buy anything you want." then he went back doing whatever he was doing and ignored the little girl like she was never there all along. That's when she finally accepted the truth that nothing will ever change. Her father will never love her no matter how hard she tried to please him.

Today she turned 16 years old and she wanted to remind her father that fact.

The driver dropped her at the SME Building lobby. A lot of people come and go most of them were familiar faces. Some were actors and actresses and others were singers. No one really paid any attention to her. They know that President Lee Soo Man has a daughter but no one knows how she looks like. The president never mentions her anyway. It's not that she cares. Some old employees recognized her and bowed when she passed. She just smiled then headed straight to her father's office.

She took a deep breath before she raised her hand and knocked on the door. She heard her father say "Come in." She went inside and when her father saw her, his brows formed into a frown. That didn't hold her back. If she was the same little girl years ago she would have went straight to his father's arms and kissed him on the cheek. But years of experience made her realize that her father doesn't like that sort of greeting so she just went straight to the point.

"Dad... do you... have a free time today?"

"I'm busy." She expected that.

"You deserve some rest Dad... Maybe..." she paused hesitating. "Maybe we could go out tonight? Have some dinner..."

"I have business plans for tonight."

"Then how about lunch?"

Every word she said were carefully planned. She thought about every possible answer her father could come up with and the best reply she should give him. But it always ends up with her father refusing and now she's running out of ideas.

"I said I'm busy, Seohyun. Go eat lunch with your friends and stop bothering me..."

"I just thought that maybe we could spend a few hours together today since it’s my birthday...”

Her father looked up from the papers he was reading. "Oh, is it your birthday?"

So he forgot after all, she thought bitterly.

He reached for the phone to call his secretary. "I'm going to send money on your account," he told her. "Do whatever you want with it."

When the line went through he gave instructions to his secretary on how to transfer money to Seohyun's account. When he hang up he faced his daughter and told her, "Call me if it's not enou-" He couldn't finish his sentence because Seohyun cut him off.

"Don't bother dad. I won’t need it anyway." Then she hastily left the room. She took a couple of deep breaths before she managed to calm herself. Every time she's upset or sad she would listen to some soothing songs and then she would brighten up instantly. She decided to do just that.

When she was still a little kid she used to wander around the SM Entertainment building that she now became familiar with its rooms and hallways. Sometimes she would go to the music room and listen to some artists playing the piano. Of course her father didn't know that or if he did he probably didn't mind. She even became friends with some of SME trainees and they treat her like she was their little sister. However, today those friends couldn't be seen anywhere. Some of them are already successful artist and are working themselves to death. Others who couldn't endure the long hours of practice finally gave up and left the company even before they could be given the chance to debut.

She made her way to the music room until she was close enough to hear the sound of someone playing the piano. She smiled. The sound of the piano always brightens up her mood. She once asked his father if she could take up piano lessons. He refused saying it's a waste of time and that she has to concentrate on her academics and work hard to be a doctor someday. Then she thought if she can't get lessons then maybe she can still learn if she bought a piano. So she asked her father to buy her one and as expected he also refused.

She knocked on the door of the music room to announce her presence. Then she went inside and found the pianist to be a handsome guy with black hair and brown eyes that were staring at her with curiosity. She recognized him. He's Youngwoong Jaejoong from the group called Dong Bang Shin Ki. They were considered as the number one group in Asia and were also recognized worldwide with their amazing talents. Even Seohyun is also amazed by them. They have great vocals and amazing dancing skills.

He stopped playing when she arrived so she said, "Please go on."

He smiled then continued playing. His smile seemed to affect her in some way. She ignored the weird feeling and just let herself be immersed with the wonderful melody emanating from the piano and this amazing guy.

I'm Glad It's You

I unexpectedly met him one day, a meeting that changed my life forever. His face is etched in my mind for as long as I live.

He has such a wonderful smile. No, he didn’t smile at me. How I wish he did. I guess he doesn’t even know I existed. Or so I thought. After all I was just like a shadow; someone who blends in the crowd unnoticed… simple and ordinary.

We went to the same school but his world is entirely different from mine. And yet seeing him everyday is all I wanted. One glance is enough. That’s all I’ve been asking.

His name is Iwase Kei, the heir of the richest family in the country. I’ve been in love with Kei for a long time now and until this moment I’m still wondering why of all people does it have to be him.

Before I noticed it my life suddenly changed right before my eyes. I guess it was some sheer luck that our worlds suddenly met. And I’m not sure if I should be thankful or not. No, I guess I am thankful. It was painful at times and it still hurts me just thinking about it. But I think if we hadn’t met I won’t feel happiness as well.

“Ii yo.” Those were the first words he said to me. “H-hontou ni gomen.” I said stuttering and sounding so stupid. He smiled and I felt more embarrassed.

I saw him that morning lying on the grass in a secluded part of the school with his eyes closed and earphones on his ear. He might have sensed me looking at him because he opened his eyes and I think I saw anger in them for a moment.

“Gomenasai.” I’m not sure why I apologized. I just have the feeling that I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Gomen. I didn’t know someone’s here.”

He sighed. “Ii yo.”

“H-hontou ni gomen.”

“Ii kara. It’s time for me to go anyway. Jaa~ne.” Then he left and never came again after that.

I didn’t know why he was in that kind of place all alone. I guess there are a lot of things that I didn’t know about him even now. The Kei I saw that morning was entirely different from the Kei I thought I knew.

Kei is always been surrounded by people. Everyone likes him and even the teachers look up to him not just because of his family’s influence but also because he’s really smart and knows almost everything. That morning was the first time I saw him alone.

The next days went back to normal. We lived our own different worlds once again. Once in a while my feet bring me to the same place where I met him before. I guess that’s the only place where I could get close to him. But to my disappointment he never comes.

But one day, I went to the same place again and to my surprise I heard someone said, “You came again.” When I look up I saw Kei sitting on the top of the tree.

“Why do you always come here everyday?” It seems like he’s in an unusually good mood that day. He jumped from the tree and the sight made me stop for a second.

“Have you been there all along?” I asked still feeling awkward.

“Yep. Everyday. I see you eat lunch here everyday with that sad look on your face.” I blushed. “Uso!” I said feeling embarrassed. “Uso janai,” he said laughing a little.

Sad look? Do I really? I wondered. Oh well, I guess I do. Maybe I have always been disappointed every time I wanted to see him and couldn’t.

He lied down on the grass just like before. “Don’t you wanna sit?” he asked. That’s when I realized I’ve been standing there like an idiot for quite a long time. I sat in a spot a bit far from him.

“Ne~”

“Huh?” I said startled. It was surprising that he’s actually taking to me. I was expecting he would be mad. After all I’m disrupting his privacy.

“Namae wa?” he asked.

Still feeling quite uneasy I said…“Koyama Aki.”

“Aki…is that the kanji for autumn?”

I nodded.

“You know, autumn has always been my favorite season.” He stood back up and to my surprise he sat beside me.

“Jaa, can I call you Aki-chan?” I nodded, a little bit discomfited. If this is some kind of a dream then I don’t wanna wake up anymore. I never thought my name could sound that sweet. Sitting beside Kei and talking like we were long time friends doesn’t seem so real.

“Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu, Aki-chan.” He said. “Yoroshiku.” I replied.

We became closer after that. I met a different side of Kei, very different from the usual famous Kei. I wondered if he was purposely trying to hide his true self from everyone.

It was Valentines Day when I decided to make chocolates and give it to Kei. I was kind of nervous since I don’t know where to get the courage I needed. They say Valentines Day is the perfect day for girls to confess their feelings to the guy they like. I’m not expecting Kei would feel the same way that I do. But somehow I’m scared that Kei won’t accept even just the chocolates. I’m scared that he might start ignoring me once he found out about my true feelings.

I went to school early that morning. And since it was still early I decided to walk hoping the chilly breeze would give me some courage. I thought the earlier I give him the chocolates the better.

I was lost in thought when a car stopped in front of me. The window opened and I was greeted by the smiling face of Kei. “Aki-chan, why are you walking?”

“This is called exercise, dummy.” I already got used to his teasing so it’s getting more and more natural for us to have this kind of talk.

“Jaa, ore mo.”

“Eh?” Before I could argue he was already outside the car and walking beside me. This was the first time we were together in public.

“Aki-chan, can I borrow your notes in history?” Kei is smart but lazy most of the time so he seldom take notes. I smiled. “Ii yo.” I said then gave him my notes.

“Hontou? Iin desu ka?” I nodded. “Yatta! Arigatou Gozaimasu!” he said and I can’t keep myself from smiling.

The moment we reached the school we said goodbye and as I watch him go I was thinking… I wasn’t able to give him the chocolates after all.

There are rumors spreading in the school that Kei never accepts chocolates from any one. Now I’m really having second thoughts.

I went to our usual place earlier than usual so as expected Kei was not there yet. I took out the chocolates and stared at it for a long time before I decided not to give it to Kei. I really hate myself for not having the guts. I was about to keep it when Kei sneakily came from behind me and said, “To whom are you going to give those chocolates?”

Surprised I said, “No one.”

“Then, can I have it?”

“Huh?” Before I could stop him he took the chocolates from my hand and started eating it. “You made these?”

I nodded.

“Ii jan.” Those words really made me happy. I wasn’t able to tell him my feelings but at least the chocolates served its purpose.

“Aki-chan…” he said after a while.

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to New York.”

A jolt of pain shot right through me. At that moment I couldn’t really understand any of it. Why the thought of him leaving brought me pain. Why he seems to be in pain as well. Why he’s telling me all this instead of just leaving without saying goodbye. Why I felt scared just thinking that I might not be able to see him again.

“When?” was all I could say.

“At the end of the month.”

I didn’t say a word afraid that if I did my feelings would betray me and I might say something I might regret. I don’t want him to know my feelings when I know I have no right to feel that way. I don’t even know the word to describe our relationship. I’ll be his friend as long as he needs me to be but that’s all there is to it. I have no right to demand anything from him especially his heart.

“My dad wants me to study there,” he explained. “He wants me to go a long time ago but I asked him to give me one more year. I told him that if he let me stay for one more year I’ll do everything he wants.” He sighed then stood up. “Yappari. The year is almost up and I still don’t wanna go.”

But a promise is a promise, I thought bitterly. “I heard New York is a nice place.” I can’t tell him to leave coz it would be lying if I said that it’s what I want. I can’t tell him to stay either, not that my words matter, but that would mean stopping him from having a big future in front of him.

“Nothing would be as nice as this place.”

“Sou desu ~ne” I agreed.

“Aki-chan…”

“Hmm?”

“Wait for me.”

“Huh?”

“I’m going back exactly after four years. Yakusoku. Wait for me right here…at this time.”

I smiled and nodded. “Kei ni shinjitteru yo.” Even if he didn’t say “I promise”, I still would be waiting. The thought of him coming back somehow lessened the pain of seeing him go.

It was autumn when he left and ever since then I’ve been looking forward to the day that he’ll come back home. During our final exams I opened my history notes to study and I was surprised when I saw Kei’s handwriting in one of the pages.

Aki-chan,

Aitakute. I haven’t left and yet I miss you already. I couldn’t tell you how I feel after all. Do you know why I didn’t want to go? It’s because I still want to be with you. I want to stay beside you forever. Zutto…zutto…That’s the only place where I wanted to be.

In the end I wasn’t able to do anything. I couldn’t tell you I like you. I couldn’t stand up against my dad and tell him, “I’m not going.” Soredemo, I’ll try to be better so I can come home sooner and tell you how I really feel.Aki-chan wo zutto isshou ni aitai.

Boku wa Aki-chan wo suki desu. Zutto…anata wo daisuki desu. Uso janai. Dakara matte ne. Onegaishimasu. Please wait for me.

Wakarete iru no ni anata no koto bakari. Boku ga soba ni iru. Itsumademo.

Kei

Kei calls me everyday telling me how hard it is to cope up with his new environment and every time, I tried to cheer him up. He sends e-mails with pictures of famous landmarks saying he wants to take me there and we will take pictures together. We didn’t have a formal relationship but I was so happy with the way things are going between us.

But after a year he suddenly stopped calling. He never returned my emails and messages. It seemed like he disappeared suddenly. It was so scary that I refused to think about it. I also wished the years would pass by so quickly. Kei wo aitai. I wanted to see him already. I know he will come. He promised. And so I waited patiently for that day with my hopeful heart already numb from pain.

After four years he came back. It was still summer a little bit earlier than what he promised. I was walking on the street when I saw him driving his car. Our eyes met and I almost swear he saw me and yet he acted like he doesn’t know me. The thing that scares me the most happened at that moment and I was filled with fear.

I called him again that day which I never did for a very long time. I already stopped calling him ever since I accepted the fact that he’s not using the same number anymore. I was greeted by the same voice saying the number is not in use.

My heart was hurting so bad. I can’t forget the look on his face the moment our eyes met and he seemed not to know me. I also found out it’s already been a month since he came home and yet he never tried to contact me.

It was autumn already and although I know in my heart that I shouldn’t pointlessly hope for something impossible I still decided to wait for him. I went to the usual place where we usually spent time together. It’s been three years since I graduated from that school and ever since then I never came again. The school brought a lot of memories to me. But the memories that stand out more are the memories of the few days I spent with Kei. I brought my history notebook with Kei’s letter with me. I can’t remember how many times I’ve read that letter but as I wait I read it all over again. Somehow it gave me the courage I needed at that moment.

It was a holiday so no students came that day. I sat under the huge tree where Kei usually lie down and listen to music. I waited patiently with my history notebook clutched in my arms. Every hour passing by makes my heart beats faster. Just as I expected Kei didn’t come at our exact meeting time but even so I still waited.

Muri da. Wakatteru. Even so I can’t make myself move, leave and never come back again. I couldn’t move knowing that if I leave I won’t see Kei ever again and so as painful as it is I continued to wait. Kei must have his reasons and I want to wait until he’s ready to tell me what they are. I still believe in him. Until now, I want to believe in him.

Kowai. Hontou ni kowai. I’m afraid of going on living knowing that Kei would never be a part of my life again. Rain started to fall and Kei still hasn’t come. I didn’t bring my umbrella so I got wet all over. I didn’t notice it when my tears started to fall. It’s a good thing that the rain washed it away. I don’t want Kei to see me crying like that. Oh, right, Kei isn’t coming anyway. Like a fool, I cried away all the bitterness I felt at that moment.

It started getting dark and the rain hasn’t stopped yet. I feel so cold but I don’t want to move. I sat there crying my heart out until I saw a figure standing in front of me. My eyes are getting blurred so I had to focus before I realize who it was. At first I thought it was just a delusion. Kei is standing in front of me. His expression, I couldn’t read.

I stood up. Tears are still falling from my eyes. It seems like I couldn’t stop them from falling.

“What are you doing, staying here with this kind of weather? Are you trying to kill yourself?” were his first words to me after a very long time. It’s so nice to hear his voice again so I ignored the hint of anger in his voice.

“Kei.” I whispered. I don’t have the strength to talk anymore. He took my hand and began dragging me somewhere. I saw a car in a distance. It’s probably Kei’s car. It was harder to focus each time. It was also getting harder for me to keep up with Kei. He might have noticed it because he suddenly stopped. He put his hand on my forehead and I think I heard him curse. “God, what have I gotten myself into?” he said.

“Ne… I really don’t understand why I’m supposed to be here.” He seems to be talking in riddles. The world seems to be spinning and I closed my eyes for a while trying to steady myself. It’s still raining very hard and we’re both wet but we didn’t seem to mind at all. I can tell Kei was confused and I couldn’t really understand why. I don’t know why Kei is right in front of me and yet he has no idea why he is there. I have no idea what I’m suppose to tell him either.

Without waiting for my reply he sighed. “Anata wa… Aki-chan… desu ka?”

I really felt so weak and my knees couldn’t seem to hold my weight any longer. Everything around me spins and before I knew it I was falling and strong arms caught me. Before I totally lost consciousness I heard Kei’s voice calling me Aki-chan. I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to hear his voice saying my name ever again.

When I woke up I was in a hospital bed and Kei was right beside me sleeping. Then everything happened at the school sink in. I remember Kei asking me, “Could you be Aki-chan?” What does he mean by that? Why can’t he remember me?

Kei might have sensed me moving because he suddenly woke up. “Daijoubu desu ka?” he asked with a hint of concern in his voice. “Daijoubu desu.” I managed to say. My head still hurts not to mention my heart but other than that I guess I’m perfectly fine.

“Gomenasai. I guess it’s my fault. I should have come sooner.”

I shook my head. “I should have left before it started raining.”

“Here” I looked at the thing in his hand and I realized it was my history notebook. “It’s already dry.” I took the notebook from his hands. “I read it.” He continued. I looked at him. “The letter,” he explained.

“Did I…” he paused unsure whether to continue or not but he continued anyway. “Did I really write those?”

I nodded. I tried to meet his eyes but it seems like he’s avoiding mine. “Aki-chan…” he called out my name but it seems like there’s something missing and I can’t tell what.

He sighed a deep sigh.“I can’t remember any of it,” he said. “I can’t remember who you are. The only reason I know your name is because I saw the planner with a note saying “meet Aki-chan at the school grounds”. And I also can’t remember writing that letter.”

“Doushite?” I asked the question that has been eating me all this time. “Wakaranai desu. Hontou ni wakarimasen.”

“Three years ago, I had an accident and I lost my memory…”I looked at him surprised at what he just told me.

“I guess the old me has the habit of writing down dates I don’t want to forget because when I was looking at my things I found my planner and on this date “meet Aki-chan at the school grounds” was written on it. I had no idea why I should be there and most of all I had no idea what to find in there. But when I went to the school I saw you. I didn’t thought you would actually wait for me. I don’t understand why you would risk your life for something as crazy as that.”

“Because you promised.” I waited because he promised he’ll come. He might not remember it but four years ago he promised me he’ll come back so I waited.

“A promise made four years ago? How could you trust something like that?”

“Because that’s the only thing I could do. Wakatteru. Kore wa totemo baka desu. Demo ima mada wa kei ni shinjiteru yo.”

How can I make him understand? How could I make him love me again? Ever since he stopped calling, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I wanted to see him but I don’t know where to find him. I wanted to talk to him but I don’t know how. The only thing I could hold on to was his promise so I waited. Even though there’s no possibility that he would come I’m still gonna wait. Because that’s the only thing I could do.

“Gomenasai.” He kept telling me although “Gomenasai” is not exactly the word I want to hear from him. “I have no idea. Hontou ni gomenasai.”

“Ii yo.” I said. “You kept your promise. A little late but you did.” I smiled trying to cheer him up. Even though things aren’t the same as before I’m happy that I had the chance to be with him again. I’m not sure how long it will last but I’m really happy and I wanted to treasure every moment of it.

He shook his head. “Ii janai. I really hate myself for not remembering any of it.”

“Doushite?” I asked. “What made you decide to go?”

I thought he’s not gonna answer because it took a while before he replied, “Wakaranai. Demo, totemo shiawase desu.” He smiled. “I’m glad that it’s you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m glad I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Until now, I’m still waiting for Kei. I’m going to wait until he gains his memory back and until he is able to say those words I’ve been longing to hear. “Daisuki desu” tte. I want to hear him say it and I’m going to wait even if it takes forever.

~THE END~

Vacation

Sign Posts in Kanji...
People talking in Japanese...
I can't understand any of it but I don't care.
I'm in Japan... I've been telling myself that for a few hours already but it seems like it wouldn't sink in...
I just couldn't believe it. For years I've been dreaming about going to Japan. I've been saving the money I earned from work just to be able to come here.

And now I'm in Japan.

Carrying my lauggage with me I went outside Narita International airport and faced the busy streets of tokyo with a smile on my face.
I really am in Tokyo.

This is the first time I went outside my home country not to mention ALONE. So I was kinda nervous but definitely excited. Next to the Philippines, Japan is my most favorite country. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's their culture, their languange, or maybe it's their amazing japanese pride.

It was in college when a friend of mine introduced me to japanese stuffs. Basically everything about Japan like manga, anime, jdrama, jpop and even their language. I been trying to learn Nihongo ever since then but since I didn't have a proper lesson, the level of my japanese isn't something that can be used in a normal japanese conversation.

So you see, being here in japan with a limited amount of japanese vocabulary requires a great deal of courage.

Anyway, I hailed a taxi and the driver said something in japanese and I assumed he's asking where I want to go. I already expected that taxi drivers in japan doesn't speak english so I tried my best to explain to him that I need to go to a hotel. I told him in a japanese accent, "hoteru" and luckily he understood. Anywhere is actually fine with me. I just need a place to stay. The cheaper the better.

Inside the car I listened to some songs of my favorite boy group Tohoshinki. As I gaze outside the window I thought, "is this how they felt when they first came to japan?" Tohoshinki is a korean group who is also famous in japan. They are actually one of the reasons why I wanted to be here. Maybe I'll be lucky if I can come to their concert even once.

Unconciously I begun singing...
Dare mo ga dare ka ni aisareru tame ni
The driver said something in japanese and I assumed he meant I have a good voice since he said ii(good) and koe(voice).
I think i blushed because he laughed and then I told him, "Arigatou gozaimasu"

When I arived at a hotel, I thanked the driver and went inside the building. I was greeted by a friendly receptionist and thankfully she speaks english.

It's still winter in Japan so it's really cold. I'm wearing a jacket but I still feel cold. In manila they don't sell winter jackets since we don't have winter season. I decided to go shopping right away.

Since a commercial tour isn't part of my budget I decided to tour myself. After I settle in the hotel I decided to walk to the nearest shopping place although I'm not sure where it is. In a distance I can see the Tokyo Tower. It's really tall. I heard it was even taller than the eiffel tower in Paris. It's... beautiful.
It's already getting dark and the night view of the tower is amazing.

I was walking in the streets of tokyo when I saw a crowd of people doing what looks like a filming of some kind of drama. I was curious so I tried to see what it was. I was trying so hard to get a good view of whatever happening in there that I didn't notice a man who is apparently didn't notice me too for he was talking with someone on his cellphone. We bumped with each other and we both said "sumimasen" almost at the same time. He was holding a drink on his hand and he accidentally spilled it on me. He said sorry again and again. I didn't get the chance to see his face because I was busy wiping the spilled coffee from my jacket. Something stopped me suddenly. I guess it was his very familiar voice. I looked up to make sure I'm not hearing things. But when I did I was so shocked I couldn't move. Right in front of me is Tohoshinki's Jaejoong. I dreamed about meeting him someday but I never expected it to happen at all. But now he's in front of me saying, "hontou ni gomenasai". When I finally caught myself I said, "daijoubu desu."

He said something in Japanese again and I couldn't understand most of it. But knowing Jaejoong I figured he's not going to drop the case. I tried to explain I'm not japanese and I'm very poor in nihongo. When he understood he said, "Ah, hontou desu ka?" I said, "Hai. Watashi wa Piripinjin desu."

"Piripin wa daisuki desu!" he said and it made me laugh. "Boku wa Jaejoong desu." He offered his hand and I reached for it nervously "Hajimemashite," he said.

"Joyce desu. Hajimemashite" I said hoping he didn't noticed how nervous I am.

"Kankokojin desu"

I know he's korean so I told him so, "Shittemasu."

"Sou desu ka? Nande?" then he asked if it was his accent that gave him away.
I was going to tell him that I know him but before I can speak another fan approached jaejoong asking for his autograph. He looks a little tired and I'm almost sure he's going to decline but instead he took the paper and pen from the fan and flashed a smile that took both our breath away. He kindly returned it to the fan who then happily gave her big thanks to jaejoong.

"Gomen ne~" he said to me.

"Ya~ daijoubu desu." Before, I was considering asking for his authograph as well just like that fan but now I decided not to do it. I'm not really sure what made me change my mind. Maybe it was his tired look that I saw for a moment and which he hid so suddenly like it wasn't there at all. But nevertheless I decided not to let him know I'm a cassiopeia. I don't want him to treat me like he did to that lucky fan. I don't want him to treat me just like any other fan. Most of all I don't want to burden him so if I can just disappear at that moment I would have done so even if it hurts me or even if it will make me curse myself thousands of times. I don't care.

With difficulty I forced myself to say goodbye.
"Jaa~ It's nice meeting you Jaejoong-san" I was about to leave but he suddenly stopped me from leaving.

"Chotto matte kudasai.. If you can just wait for a few minutes. We we're about to finish for today. If it's ok, I like to buy you dinner. I mean... of course that is if you have time. I would be very happy if you say yes..."

I'm not sure how long I was gaping at his pretty smiling face but at some point I just found myself saying yes and then the next moment I was sitting in the corner watching them film and waiting for Jajeoong to finish his job. After Jajeoong finished his schedule he said sorry to me again for making me wait. I probably look calm outside but the truth is being around jaejoong makes me so nervous

"Two of my friends wanted to join us tonight. Will it be ok?"
I was pretty sure it was Junsu and Yoochun he's talking about so I got nervous even more. But I cant tell him it's not ok since I was dying to see them too. And so I told him, "Yes. That's ok. I don't mind."

We were on our way to a restaurant on Jaejoong's car. Apparently he decided to apply for a Japanese driver's license since most of the time he's in Japan.
Although I'm not very familiar with car brands I can tell it was a nice car.

"It's been a long time since I last saw them so I'm really looking forward to it." Jaejoong said. I feel bad hearing this from Jaejoong. I know what they're going through right now. Because of the law suit against their korean company Tohoshinki had stopped their group activities. It's been more than a year already and there's still no conclusion.

"Don't you call each other?" I think it was safe to ask.

"We do but not as often as we used to." When I looked at him he was wearing a sad expression but the next moment it was gone and it was back to his usual happy face.

"Do you eat spicy foods?" he asked.

"I used to hate it but now I'm ok with it." Actually it was jaejoong who made me try eating spicy foods. I wanted to eat it because I know Jaejoong likes it. In the end I came to like it too. But I can't tell him that. Thankfuly he didn't pry anymore.

When we arrived Yoochun and Junsu were already there. I can hear Junsu's laughter from afar and it made me smile. Jaejoong introduced me to them.

"This is Joyce. She's from the Philippines and she's not good in japanese" he said.
Yoochun said "nice to meet you" in english almost like an american. I said "nice to meet you too." Junsu tried to speak in eglish too but as expected he's not very good at it and it just earned a laugh from everyone.

Jaejoong explained to me that Yoochun lived in america for a few years that's why he can speak english. Although I already know I didn't say anything. Jaejoong said something to Yoochun and my limited knowlege in nihingo prevented me from understanding it. Yoochun turned to me and said in english, "Jaejoong said he feels sorry for spilling coffee on your jacket and he wanted to buy you a new one."

"No, really.. it's ok. You don't have to do that."

"Ya~ daijoubu." Jaejoong said

"No, it's fine. Please do't worry." But apparently Jaejoong have an amazing power of persuation for he made me agree again in the end.

We ate a very spicy ramen and it was so spicy that I even thought its not meant for humans but it seems like everyone likes it so much and even junsu who's not very good with spicy stuff doesn't find it spicy at all. But still it was delicious and I was so full after we finished eating.

During dinner everyone were talking and since I'm poor in japanese I can only understand a few of what they're saying. Yoochun will translate some of it for me though. It seems like they really missed each other and I'm happy to see them together like this.

After dinner everyone payed for their own meal except for mine which was payed by Jaejoong. We said goodbye to Junsu and Yoochun then Jaejoong took me to a department store. It was already in the middle of the night so there are less people shopping. Everyone was looking at Jaejoong and I feel awkward being with him but it seems like he's already used to it.

I decided to make it quick and chose whatever cheapest I can find but then suddenly Jaejoong was in the counter paying for a super expensive jacket and it was so pretty and he didn't even give me the chance to protest. Just what I expected from Jaejoong with an amazing fashion sense.

I told him where I'm staying and he took me home. I suddenly feel bad that it will probably be my last chance to see him so I have to force myself to say goodbye to him. I thanked him for the wonderful dinner and for the jacket. It seems like he wanted to say something but decided not to. He said goodnight then he waited for me to get inside the hotel before he drove off.

I find it hard to sleep that night. I've been staying up all night cursing jaejoong for his wonderful smile and pretty face that invades my thoughts every time I close my eyes. The sun was already rising when I finally able to sleep.

It was almost noon when I finally woke up. I took a quick shower but I'm not up for sight seeing today. I still couldn't get over the shock from meeting the three members of Tohoshinki yesterday. It seems like whatever I do today wouldn't be as interesting as yesterday. But thinking that I'll be going home tomorrow I thought I shouldn't waste any moment so I forced myself to get dressed and get something to eat. Besides I'm starving.

Just as I thought I had a boring day. I walk the streets of tokyo and thoughts about Jaejoong never leave my mind. I was actually half hoping I would bump with him again today. I saw a small booth selling takoyaki and I bought one. They also sell takoyaki in Manila but just as I thought this one taste way better than what i had back home. I saw the tokyo tower from a far and I decided to go see what tokyo looks like from the top.

The view from the top of the tokyo tower is really beautiful. I stayed there for an hour appreciating the view. Then  went to a nearby restaurant to eat dinner. It was already dark whe I finally got home.

A few hours later the hotel receptonist called me saying someone wants to see me. My heart started going crazy again. I managed to tell the receptionist that I'll be there in a minute. When I got down the lobby I saw Jaejoong wearing jeans and a white tank top under a stylish blazer. I think the best word to describe him at the moment is "gorgeous". Oh, well he's always been gorgeous so I think it's kinda stupid for me to state the obvious.

I wanted to ask him what in the world is he doing there making my heart beat so fast like its gonna explode but it's kinda rude so I decided to keep my mouth shut instead. Jaejoong was the first to broke the silence. "Konbanwa" he said

"K-konbanwa" I replied.

"Since I didn't get the chance to properly say goodbye last night I thought I should see you again tonight." now that he mentioned it he didn't really said goodbye last night. he only said "oyasumi" and then he drove away.

"Do you have time?" He asked.

"Ee?" I said still surprised. "Nande?"

"I wanted to take you for a walk. If that's ok with you."

"It's ok." I noticed something's troubling him and I wanted to know what it is. We went for a walk and I feel so cold not because of the weather but because I was too nervous. But I didn't want him to notice it so I tried to keep a conversation with him...

"Don't you even sleep, Jaejoong-san?"

"Eee? What do you mean?"

"You work hard during the day and now you're talking with a girl you barely even know in the middle of the night. Do you even get some sleep?"

I saw him smile but it didnt reach his eyes. "It's better than lying on my bed trying to sleep while thinking about things that makes me so frustrated."

He looks so hurt despite that smile that he's trying to show. I looked up the sky trying to avoid his eyes. "Woah! Kirei na~" He looked up as well. "The moon. It's so pretty isn't it?"

"Yes" When I looked back at him I noticed he's not looking at the moon but to me instead. I felt myself blush and I'm thankful it's dark or else I would have died with embarassment.

We reached the sumida river and we decided to rest for a while while sitting on the grass. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"About what?"

"The things that makes you so frustrated."

He sighed and I thought he's not going to answer me but after a while he said,
"I have two friends that I hadn't seen for quite a long time now. No, I guess we're not just friends. We're like a family. I'm not sure when it started but we just sort of... drifted apart..."

I know what he meant. I've been wondering if they still have the same relationship as before despite the law suit but after hearing those words Jaejoong has just confirmed the thing that scares me the most.

I wanted to ask him a lot of things like why aren't you seeing each other anymore and why can't they stay the same as before, why do their relationship have to be affected by one stupid law suit but all I could say was "Why?"

"Actually, I don't even know... everyone started doing different things and before I knew it everything started to change..."

I wanted to tell him so many things but I couldn't not just because my Japanese isn't good enough but also because he look so hurt right now that I'm afraid I might say things that could hurt him even more.

"Why don't you call them once in a while? That's why we have cellphones you know." I said trying to lighten the mood but it didn't do much.

"There are times when I think about calling them but then I hesitate thinking that there's really nothing to talk about. Or maybe I'm just scared they might start saying painful things that I'm not brave enough to hear yet."

I felt awkward because I didn't know what to say. thankfully jaejoong broke the silence. "Gomen ne~ I started saying things that doesn't make any sense." He was laughing a little bit but when I looked at his face he was wearing a pained look and I'm not sure if I just imagined it but I guess I saw a tear fell from his eyes. But I can't really tell because it was dark and I couldn't see clearly.

Everything he said made sense to me but to someone who doesn't know Tohoshinki it really doesn't make any sense. Anyway, I shooked my head and told him it was fine. I hate myself for not being able to make him feel better. But then I realized I couldn't have done anything since I was hurting as well.

"Ikimashou ka?" he asked after a while.

"Mmm." I agreed because although I still want to stay with him a little longer he still needed some rest and I should't prevent him from doing that. We walked back to the hotel together.

He's already inside the car when he said,"Can I... drop by again tommorrow?"

Tommorrow I'm going back home. I knew it will be a really short trip but I never thought it would be that fast... I know everything comes to an end but I can't stay anymore. I wanted to tell him it's impossible but before I could answer he said, "Jaa~ ashita ni matta ne~" then he closed the window and drove fast leaving me staring at him as he drove away.

He was long gone but I still couldn't make myself move from where I stand. I wasn't even able to say goodbye. No matter how much I wanted to see him I couldn't stay anymore. As I remember the moment I saw a tear fell from his eyes I noticed some tears also started falling from mine. Thankfully it's in the middle of the night and it's a little dark so no one would have noticed it.

If I had a difficulty sleeping the other night this time I wasn't able to sleep at all.
The sun started rising creating a puple line on the horizon. In other instances I would have thought it was beautiful but right now nothing occupies my mind besides the fact that I have to leave no matter how much I wanted to stay.

Since Jaejoong said last night that he's going to drop by today I thought it's not right to just disappear so suddenly so I decided to leave a note.

Jaejoong Oppa,

Gamsahamnida...

I can't describe how happy I am that I was finally able to meet you.

Please say hi to Yoochun oppa and Junsu oppa for me too.

Please be healthy. Don't work yourselves to death.

Although I always wanted to see you happy, if you want to cry don't restrain yourselves.

As long as you create music I'll continue to listen to them.

You told us to wait right? You said let's all wait together. so even if it takes forever I'll be waiting.

It will be ok, you'll see...

Joyce

Years have already passed since that encounter but even now I still find it hard to convince myself that it wasn't just a dream and that it really did happen. I'm not even sure if he was able to get the message I left him that day.

One day Jaejoong left a message in his cafe saying something like this...

I cooked jiggae for my four brothers. They said they missed my cooking.

Although we're busy doing different things right now we will forever be like a family.

Maybe someday we will again get a chance to create music together.

And that will be my biggest dream.

After reading this, I smiled and thought, all the years of waiting is definitely worth it.

~THE END~